Tansy Rodgers (00:13.752)
Welcome back to the Energy Fix, a podcast dedicated to help you balance your energetic body by diving deep into the sweet world of all things health and spirituality. My name's Tansy and I'm an intuitive crystal Reiki energy healer, energetic nutrition and holistic health practitioner, and a crystal jewelry designer. It's time to talk all things energy. Let's dive in.
Before we really dive into today's conversation, I just want to take a moment to say, wherever you are listening from, I hope this season is giving you at least a few pockets of real honest to goodness peace. Even if life feels full or weird or heavy, I'm really grateful that you are here and that you are choosing to spend your time and energy with me. Wishing you a gentle
beautiful holiday season in whatever way you need it to be right now and in whatever way you celebrate. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for being here.
Now today's conversation is for every woman who has ever felt like she had something to say and then swallowed it. Who around here hasn't done that? If you are a woman, you know what? It doesn't matter if you are a male, female or how you identify. I think we all have done that at some point. For the ones who want to lead, this is for you.
or if you are already leading, this is for you. But still hear that little voice saying to yourself, who do you think you are? This is for you. My guest today is Delaine Deer She's the founder of ProWorks Hive, the creator of the leadership development program, Voice of Impact, and the author of Built to Lead. Through her work, she helps professionals communicate with clarity,
Tansy Rodgers (02:19.69)
step into authentic leadership and create real influence in their organizations and communities, not by becoming someone else, but by becoming exactly who they're meant to be. In our conversation, we explore how any woman can begin to discover and amplify her own voice of impact. Why self-awareness is such a powerful foundation for leadership.
how vision and values give your direction when you feel scattered or burned out, and how tools like her Voice of Impact course and workbook help move people from insight into actual change. We also touch on her book, Built to Lead, and how her personal leadership story laid the groundwork for everything that she teaches now. Now, Delaine will say this at the very end, but I want to put this in now because it is time sensitive.
As a little thank you to this community, Delaine is offering a time sensitive discount just for listeners of the Energy Fix. Make sure to jump down into the show notes and you will find all the details of what you need to know. All right, let's get into this. Here is my conversation with Delaine Deer. Let's dive in.
Tansy Rodgers (03:42.555)
Welcome to the Energy Fix Podcast, Delaine. Thank you so much for being here today.
Thank you. I'm really excited about being here.
You know, as we were talking pre-recording, I learned that you and I live fairly close together in the grand scheme of the world's compass, right? Like, we live fairly close, and it's kind of exciting when I get to meet people that are living so close to my locale. How do you, we're on the East Coast, how do you like East Coast area? Is this where you're originally from?
So I'm not originally from the DC area, but I've always lived on the East Coast. I'm actually a Charleston, South Carolina girl. And I love the East Coast. I moved up here back in 2012 and have loved the area ever since. So it's been really nice.
And so if you moved to that area around 2012, there must have been a lot of shifting and changing or stepping into new seasons of your life, right? And so I would love to know where you're at now, not just in location and where you're living, but actually where you're at. Is there a word or a phrase that you're really embodying right now in this season of your life?
Delaine Deer (04:56.738)
There is, I have been working on voice and it's really that one word, my voice. I have really wanted to say this is how I need to speak. This is how I want to present myself to the world and that my voice has power. And so I've been coming into that recently. It's that we all have this inner strength within us and we're not always using it, but we have it. And so putting that into action.
making sure that we project our voices and use them in whatever we're passionate about. And so when I came here, I was searching for what I wanted to be. And I realized I hadn't found my voice yet, but I've taken that path and I've just kind of taken that time to understand who I am authentically and where my voice lies.
Delaine, that can be such a process, especially when fears and triggers and all of these learnings that we've had over our lifetime start creeping in and cause some of the bubbling of fear to come up. I would love to know, how did you, was there a technique or is there something that you do right now that really helps you to connect to this word a little bit more deeply, a little more powerfully?
Yes, I actually do what they call is a pregnant pause, right? I take that moment, that second before I speak, before I think about things and anything I do, I take a moment and I go, is this authentically me? Is this exactly what I want to be presenting to the world? And I know that people are like, OK, well, how long is that that pause? Just a brief moment. I've gotten myself trained, right? For at the beginning, it took a lot.
a lot longer, like I would have a pause before I would do things. But now in a second, I can remind myself, this is the path, these are my goals. So what I try to do is make sure that I'm aligning my goals and my desires with what I'm presenting and where I'm going forward. And when we connect those two together, when we actually create that, I mean, kind of a cleave-save word, but that synergy of understanding our authentic selves and then putting it out there.
Delaine Deer (07:17.824)
So that one moment, that breath, and basically it's just a deep breath, that one breath helps me center and say, yes, I am or no, I need to redirect. And so I follow that.
I love that. I love that. Well, let's take that thought process and let's expand that. You know, when you think about a woman who is finding her voice, who is really stepping into that, what does that actually look like in her body on a day-to-day basis? Not an Instagram version.
Like a real version. this is what I, you know, I've actually started to teach this is your body and how you hold yourself and how you ground yourself. You know, it's funny. I started making sure that I touched the ground like physically with my feet go outside, even if it's cold, even if it's wet, whatever it may be, touch the ground at least two or three times a week. I try to do every day. Life gets in the way sometimes.
But when I can, I walk outside, even if it's for 30 seconds, and touch the ground. That energy helps me. I just feel more grounded in life. And so then I stand taller. I put my shoulders back. My neck and chin are at almost a 90 degree angle. And when I bring that back, you can feel it. And what I do is I suggest everybody just hunch over, right? And feel how your body is. And then when you just
Do the action of bringing your shoulders back. You're opening up your chest, which allows you to breathe better. You're standing tall, which allows your neck to elongate and it makes your voice more impactful. And it changes everything about your body. So when you're doing side to side, I literally, it's keep yourself grounded and bring yourself up.
Tansy Rodgers (09:14.382)
So what actually brought you to being so passionate about this work that you're doing? You talk here, everything that you've talked about so far, you can feel the passion just exuding out of you. What brought you here? Where did your journey lead you to really expand?
So thank you for asking that question. I started in COVID when things were kind of going out, a group of women, a group of friends that I knew decided to start a nonprofit. And it was called A Boat's Joy. And what we decided to do is teach women how to do some construction elements in their home. So I do, my background is in construction. I've done construction for a long period of time. So we were teaching them basic things, how to...
change out electrical socket, how to change out a toilet or a faucet, or how to cut a piece of wood with a circular saw for the first time. And working with these cohorts and this woman just showed me how we need to empower ourselves to do things more. We need to demystify things that scare us and move forward. And through that process, that's where I came up with this the pro-works hive and the voice of impact and everything is because
I saw the difference that simple like people were walking out of there with their heads higher because something was demystified to them. And I was like, okay, that has to be we have to do that to every single woman in this world. We need them to be this great empowered passionate person. And so I just started loving it and wanting to share and get more women to be empowered and do more.
Mmm.
Tansy Rodgers (11:04.666)
So you already mentioned voice of impact. What was that moment that really pushed you to create that in particular? I love, I love that you, that all of this really expanded out of you, poured out of you, based out of a need that you saw coming from these women that were surrounding you, this need to really take these other skills that you had.
and then bring them into a different light of where you were being led to, which then led you to these other programs that you've created. So let's talk about that creation of Voice of Impact. What was that first point, that first moment that pushed you to create it? But then also, as you were creating it, what was kind of that first messy draft of it that you just didn't, you needed to work through, like you didn't really quite know? Do you see what I'm saying?
yes, do. The first draft was really bad. But what sparked it was I tell the story a woman who was scared of a circular saw for the first time used one and cut a board. For me, I have had so many pieces of wood in my life using circular saws and every other saw you can imagine. But for her, this was a great and impactful moment.
More about this.
Delaine Deer (12:27.752)
And she cried. And I go, wow, there needs to be more of this. One, to feel safe, to be able to express our emotions because emotions aren't bad things. We've been told not to show them, but that's who we are. It's part of our authentic selves, right? And then two, how do we take that moment? Like, how do we take this energy that I was feeling at that moment?
and harness it into something that was going to be what I felt more powerful. And I think in this moment, it's even more important that we do it is to be more present. And so I said, OK, well, I'm going to I'm going to help people lead. And that's where it came from. I want to help that leader come out and everybody, because I feel that we can every person can be a leader if they want to. I mean, and most of the times they're leaders, even if they don't want to be.
It's kind of innately in us a matriarchal feeling as a parent or as a woman. You you have all of these areas where you're leading. So how do we use all that? And I always, and I first focused just on the leadership aspect and that's where I went wrong. I was like, okay, we're gonna build this leadership. It's gonna end up being this corporate thing and I'm gonna teach the world about leadership. And then I go and I started writing it and I go, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We have a voice.
We have our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions in a world that wasn't built for us because I'm in the construction and male and male and you know, dominated industry and I'm like and it gets ignored or pushed aside or. Trapped or hidden way too often. And you know, I wrote a book about it as well as called built to lead. It was about how I came into leadership and in that you'll if you ever read it, it says.
Delaine Deer (14:27.222)
My father was this great impact for me. The reason being is that I walked in my first, one of my first meetings as an owner of a company. I was 25. My dad was supporting me in every, in every way, or form, but he was says, you're the leader. He saved a seat at the head of the table for me and, and said, okay, this is your show. Be prepared, but your voice has to have the impact. And so that's where the name.
Came from it's like it's like, okay. Well, that makes sense that your voice has to have the impacts of voice of impact and what he taught me and what this ended up being about is that first authenticity was there like you always have to be authentic, but that doesn't mean you have to be raw. can be authentic and adaptable and how I relate that to people is if somebody's talking over you and it's your child, you're going to handle it one way, but if
An adult or a man is doing or even a woman is doing it to you. You're going to handle it differently. It's not that you're not being authentic in either one of those versions. You're adapting to who you're with. So authenticity does have adaptability. And so I was like, OK. What do we need to go from there? And so that's where voice of impact just kind of. Grew out of and I loved how it became very authentic for me. It became these aren't.
Cliche things that I talk about these are things that I've had to personally experience and overcome and I share my Perspective in my version of that because since we're all different It's going to be different for every single person and I don't try to say this is the answer. I say this is my path This is how I did it Here are some of the tricks and the traits that I have learned from hard-fought battles and I can help you Through it, but you have to do it your way
I want to even take it back just one step. said, well, no, no, no, no. Something you said, you said that it was that leadership aspect that you really realized was kind of that first draft, nope, it's not going to work, right? And as you were saying that, I thought to myself, not everybody wants to be a leader, not everybody. And if they want to be a leader, that is a thousand steps down the road. It is, I need to find the courage.
Tansy Rodgers (16:53.036)
to use my voice. I need to find the courage to use my voice from my heart. I need to find the courage to even just stand up tall in the presence of other people. Everybody has their own starting point. And so I find that so interesting because you really met them. You met the woman, especially that was using the circular saw. You met her where she needed to be.
In that moment.
Yeah. Let's talk about the confidence. Let's talk about the confidence that comes out with emotion. You know, that woman that we just talked about that was using the saw and she cut a piece of wood. This confidence, you treat this like a skill. What are the first two steps a listener can do this week to even just start building the confidence that
Thank
Tansy Rodgers (17:50.158)
confidence that maybe was on the level that that woman had when she cut her first piece of wood with that circular saw.
One is that
Delaine Deer (18:04.12)
I'll go back to saying we all have the voice and we all have power in that instinct. Your words, how you feel, that's powerful whether it is fear or excitement. So use that energy and channel it. And I know that that's that people are like, well, how, well, how my biggest thing is people go, well, how do you do that? Really? How I
Like I said, I make sure that I am present. I make sure that my body's held up high. I make sure that I'm comfortable in my skin. I make sure that I wear clothes that I feel confident in. And it doesn't have to be this professional suit. I mean, I'll be honest with you right now, my most comfortable place is I'm in a pair of sweats and a turtleneck. Why? Because that's my most comfortable.
feeling and clothing, not because, you know, yeah, I need to look professional. Nope. This is my comfort zone. This is where I feel comfortable. So since I innately feel comfortable when I bring my shoulders up high, I've already presenting that confidence. So that's just one thing. Walk around with your shoulders held back and your head held high. The other thing is know that your voice has purpose. Even in the simplest things, your emotions have
purpose, even in the simplest things. So when you're wanting to build confidence and you're scared to do it, do it. It doesn't matter. I loved what Maya Angelou once said. She said, you know, I don't fail. People like what? Just know I learn.
You're not failing. You're learning forward. Every step is a learning forward. And I know it's the same adage. Edison did it with the light bulb. had 100 before he failed. And you're going to hear all of those things over. But the truth of the matter is that's the case. I have failed more times than I have succeeded in my life.
Delaine Deer (20:09.814)
I'm still growing strong. start learning a lot and I will learn till the day that I die. And that's what I think is the most valuable thing. So how that builds my confidence and how it can build your confidence is to know that failure isn't the end. It's just a step forward.
As you were talking, I was thinking so much about many of my clients. When I get into the work that I do with them, I can feel the energy coming out of their throat being very closed and tight. I can feel their hearts constricted. I can feel that energy just being constricted in general. And one of the words, well, a few words that always come up is,
you know, likable. I want to be likable. I want to be polite. I want to be a team player. I want to be the good mom or the good daughter or whatever resonates to that person. So, Delaine, I would love to know, you know, before we really start adding new habits, what do women need to really unlearn about being these phrases, these roles that they've adopted so their voice isn't diluted?
So before the journey actually hit in 2012, when I came up here, I did a lot of exploratory. I was very small. I was a woman in a male dominated industry who could handle herself in a room full of men. But when I left that, I was like, OK.
How do I be the good daughter and the good and how do I fit into this mold of, and I'm from the South, I'm the Southern girl, right? And I'm supposed to be this blonde haired blue eyed Southern girl with a strong Southern accent. And I'm supposed to have manners and do everything under God's green earth, but I love to play in the dirt and I love to build things and it didn't all work. So I was really torn up with this anxiety. I lived with energy that was...
Delaine Deer (22:13.592)
constricting and people would say that I had the weight of the world on my shoulders everywhere I went.
And the only thing that stopped that for me was to say, am perfectly imperfect in myself. And that's okay. I am never going to fit any of these molds completely because they're a mold. Even when you take something out of a mold, it's never perfect. It's never the exact thing of that mold. You're always going to have an imperfection. So
Okay, celebrate your imperfection. I am a southern woman who likes to do construction and likes to build things. And that's okay. It doesn't have to be an or. We always put things of like or or I should. I had a woman when I first moved up here every time I talked to her it should have could have what every time I said the word should and I'm like, why is she saying this is driving me nuts. And then I realized.
Well, why should it?
That's what she was trying to, the point she was trying to make it. Why should it? Why should I have done it this way? I did it this way because that's the way I authentically felt it should be done.
Delaine Deer (23:37.656)
We make ourselves smaller because we think that we have to be perfect. Well, guess what? We'll never be perfect. There is never a person on this planet that is perfect.
not a single person. And that's okay. The word and has gotten a lot with me. It's this and this. I can feel wonderful and the day could have sucked.
Or vice versa. The day could have sucked, you know, it just doesn't matter. the word that we, we literally try to pinpoint and make everything into these small little sections in life. And our energy can't handle that. It does. It will get stuck. Mine used to get stuck right here and you would see all of the tension coming out. I would be talking to you in a nice thing and all of a sudden you could see the veins popping in my neck because that was my fear. That was my anxiety.
That was everything balled up and that's where you could see it, even though this face was fine. And the only way I, when I started to feel it coming, I'm like, why? And that's where the part of that pause that I was telling you about at the very beginning came into play. Why?
Why am I feeling this? Whose mold am I trying to fit into that I don't belong in? Because, hey, I don't, there's no mold that fits me.
Delaine Deer (25:05.036)
And I'm trying to fit into that and therefore it's making me small. It's turning my body inward which means my energy is going inward and that's going to destroy me. So why? And then I realized I'm trying to make them feel comfortable and guess what? That's not my job. My job is to be authentically who I am and be true. Speak truth. I also say speak kindness because I think we need more of that in the world as well.
But you can do that. You can speak truth in a kind way. But that allowed that energy to go. And it allowed me to open up. It allowed me to breathe and take deep breaths that I didn't think that I could. And so that's what I could say. It's just when your energy's bottled up, stop. Why? Because there's not a mold that I'm going to fit into.
You know, as you were talking and you said, there is nobody on this green earth that is perfect. You know, it got me thinking. I've been doing some of my own sessions, you know, again, all of our lives, no matter if you are a professional in this world, if you are a beginner, if you're somewhere in between, it doesn't matter. Everybody is on their own level of transformation, right? And they're addressing their own demons, their own triggers, their own
obstacles every step of the way. And so I've been getting some of my own work done with a friend of mine who does human design, because I like to learn more about me and learn more about my expansion of where I'm at now and what some of my obstacles have been. And it was so funny, Delaney, she said to me during multiple sessions, by the way, I like the listeners to know this is multiple sessions, not just one. She said to me, boy, you say should a lot.
And I started laughing. was like, I didn't even realize. I I truly didn't realize the amount. She started then calling it out every time she heard it. And I thought, wow, isn't this interesting how often I'm saying the word should. And so understanding that we are all on a certain level and starting at a certain point and expanding into that next level.
Tansy Rodgers (27:25.922)
to know that there is grace and awareness there. And that is absolutely okay for you to continue to use these tips that you just talked about and continue to use some of them, even the most basic things like stand tall, pull your shoulders back, lift the chest up. How many of us, even though we know better, how many of us shrink at times, right?
Yep. But walk into a room and we'll just... And you're like, Come on. Get it back. Yeah. Remember.
And when your system keeps whispering, I'm overloaded. That's not weakness. That's wisdom. My energy healing sessions are designed to help you downshift and recalibrate so that you can feel like you again. In my sessions, I blend crystal work, Reiki, energy healing techniques, and body-based regulation. Together, we map where your energy is holding, we clear what's ready to release, and then I give you simple
doable practices to keep the shift going at home. Think two minutes, not two hours. And if you've never had a session with me, here's what clients report. They feel calmer and they have deeper sleep that same week. They notice that their breath is a little bit more easy and they have less chest pressure or jaw clenching. Their mental clarity returns and decision fatigue starts to actually drop.
They have better digestion because stress is not there gunking everything up. Physical pain starts to lessen and they begin to feel more present and less hijacked by other people's energy. And they learn how to implement this kind of practice into their everyday so they can start to feel the results on their own over and over and over.
Tansy Rodgers (29:22.154)
When your nervous system is regulated, everything works better. You have more focus, your hormones are more balanced, your digestion is better, your mood is more stable. Healing isn't about doing more. It's actually about less noise so your body's own intelligence can do what it's built to do. Sessions are available in person if you are local to where I'm at or distance worldwide. Both are powerful.
head over to tanziroggers.com and you can schedule or reach out to me to ask any questions that you have on the tip of your brain. You can tap the link in the show notes and make it super easy to book and get on my schedule. If your body is asking for more quiet, to be more clear, to feel more true, let's bring your energy home.
Yeah. And so for these people that are really just learning to understand their own personal response, what self-awareness really happens to show that they are making progress or they're even on the right path of going into a huge expansion? Like, you know how it is, like right when you're on the precipice, that's when everything constricts and gets tight until you can expand. So what starts to happen?
to help people say, I'm on the right path.
Well, once again, we'll go back to how I saw that because for me, when I realized I was on the right path, got I was getting scared. But then I realized I was going, was getting really scared. I was like, OK, this is scary.
Delaine Deer (31:08.898)
But wait a second, I'm not fearful, I'm scared.
There's difference. I'm not innately, my body isn't going fight or flight, I gotta run the heck away, right? Or I have to fight. It's going, I'm scared. This is scary, but I have it.
That was like, that was a wo-ho moment for me on this. But for other people, and I've seen this when I was talking to some women that were, know, they were in that process of discovering their voice and what that meant to them and how they did it. They were just saying, I saw it in the little things. I started to notice that when somebody cut me off, I stood my ground and said, Hey,
You know, thank you for your input. That wasn't exactly what I meant to say. What I was saying was this. So that means they just stood up for themselves. That was a little confidence tip. You know, like, hey, I stood up for myself. It's like, OK, that's great. And then another one where she was like.
I stopped saying sorry.
Delaine Deer (32:23.694)
Do know that I caught myself saying sorry over 50 times a day?
And I wasn't sorry. I guess what? You probably weren't sorry. mean, most of us aren't sorry. We apologize. We apologize when we're about to tell them that they are wrong. Hey, I'm sorry, but you're not right. Why are we sorry? You just weren't right. And we apologize. Women apologize so much more than men do. And I was like, well, that's wonderful. What? And I asked her, was like, why did you stop saying sorry? She goes,
because I wasn't, there was nothing I needed to apologize for. Just because they're uncomfortable doesn't mean that I have to apologize. I'm like, yes, that's what I was trying to tell you, is that we, you don't. And so it was all these little things that people are noticing. And what I try to do that as I call that my mind shift, where when you notice that you were saying it one way and then you realize that you're saying it over, your mind has now shift.
And it shifted over to, I don't have to make people comfortable. And that was what she, that was her mind shift. And she's like, I don't have to make people comfortable. I just need to be authentically me. I can be kind, but authentic. And I'm like, not but. And she's like, do you mean? I'm like, you can be kind and authentic. You can be authentic and adaptable. These are not ors. They're not buts. They're not howevers.
They're synonymous. You can do them at the same time. And I loved the fact that they were doing that. It was all the little small things. It was nothing. They didn't have these big aha moments at the very beginning.
Tansy Rodgers (34:13.197)
I'm not fearful, I'm scared. I wanna highlight that, cause that was huge. I was over here just pointing it. Yes, yes. That is a huge indicator. You may still be scared, but it doesn't mean that you're on the wrong track. There's a huge difference between being scared and fearful. I love that you said that. And so to even put on top of that,
Mm-hmm.
Tansy Rodgers (34:42.252)
I was thinking, do you think that someone who feels like they're in this place of imposter syndrome, like they're trying so hard, you know, they're doing all these things, but maybe it's not authentic or it's not a line because they're not feeling like they're there yet. Do you think that someone who feels this imposter syndrome feels like they might be a little bit more stuck, like they find it hard?
to step into this next step and this next level of confidence and authenticity.
I do. And with the imposter syndrome, you know, we all say fake it till you make it. Here's what I say. Is what you're doing aligning with your goals. Yes or no. Yes. They're actually making me go to where I want to be. Then it's not an imposter. You're learning. There's a difference. You're not faking it. You're learning it. And most of the people have to learn on the job.
Most people, and even if you learn it in a book that has no, not no, it has value. But the world is going to be different than what the book says it's going to be. You're going to have all these adaptabilities. So with imposter syndrome, you really do just have to go, I'm not faking it. I'm learning it. The part and the homework that you have to do is making sure when you say, okay, I'm not authentic because I'm faking it, I'm just a fake.
Well, one, despite everybody, 90 % of people feeling like they have imposter syndrome at one point in time. It's just there at one point in time, meaning that 100 % have probably felt it in their lifetime, just not all at the same time.
Delaine Deer (36:38.594)
But what we have to do, sorry, I lost my, went off on my train of thought real quick. But what we're doing with the imposter syndrome is that we need to just realize that we're having to learn the entire time, that you have to grow and that becomes who you are. So it becomes authenticity. Authenticity isn't just boom, this is me, raw and unfettered. And that's it. Whether you're, know, it's like, no, you can learn. You can change.
Matter of fact, you should learn and you should change. And that's still authentically you.
It just means you're educating yourself. I've known some people that they're like, well, I can't change. I've done this. And I'm like, you just admitted that you've done this and therefore you've already started to change.
Delaine Deer (37:33.164)
think about it that way. Like exactly. You are changing. We all are changing and there's no reason why you feel need to feel like it to be an imposter. We all have it. It's that is a figment. That is something that society has pressed upon everybody because we're all learning and I keep going back to that and I really want to that's what I'm trying to get to focus on is you are nobody is an imposter.
You're just learning something new.
Tansy Rodgers (38:04.632)
there any patterns or any words or thought processes that really keep imposter syndrome alive, especially for high achievers? Yes. OK, and so there is. Good, good, good. All right. So let's talk about that. Let's talk about what that looks like. And I would love to know if you have some quick pattern breakers when it flares up in the moment.
my, when I was doing it, I mean, this is, this will creep up into my head when I'm imposter syndrome. my God.
Did I, what did I say? Just, what did I just say? I didn't say something right. Look, that person over there looked at me funny. Great. That had no meaning. All right, but I have to do this. I have to get this presentation. Okay, got the presentation done. That was horrible. Nobody liked it. Nobody paid attention. Nobody got any information out of it. Who, who did you talk to? Did anybody tell you any of this? No, this is all in your head.
Why don't you let them tell you? And then like literally right after when everything's done, you get the presentation and they come up and they say, great job. And your head's going, they're just appeasing me. That's where the imposter syndrome really comes in. They're just faking it. They're just trying to make me feel better. Take people at face value.
Nothing made them get up, cross the room, shake your hand and say, great job. Nothing.
Delaine Deer (39:38.838)
You didn't force them to do that. So take that as it is. And that's hard. Don't say that lightly because it was very hard for me. It's like, my God, no, nobody's, nobody's trusting what I'm saying. If they don't trust what you're saying, that's fine. That's okay. You're just trying to educate the best you can. And it's not an imposter. You're just doing what you need to do. So nobody made them get up. So what I had to do is
Nobody forced them to get up and say, job to me. As a high performer, you hear that a lot. you don't. And most of the times as high performers, I will tell you, you're like, if somebody's not telling you that you've done something well, you're not doing it well enough. So, but then when somebody tells you that you're doing it well, you don't believe them. What catch 22 you're going to live in that, right? So
I had to stop and train my brain to say nothing. Nothing is forcing them to say anything positive to you.
They are doing that of their own accord. Take them at face value.
Delaine Deer (40:55.872)
And that's what I had to do is take, you we live in a world where we constantly think that everything is negative, that people are saying two things, like they're saying, yeah, good job, but you suck over here. You know, like everybody's divided. Most of the time, what I have learned is, you know, as some of my friends call me, I'm a little neuro spicy, that's okay.
They're not thinking as fast as me or they're not thinking the same way as I am. They're not going back and forth. They're not doing this imposter syndrome back and forth. They're just being, hey, yeah, that was great. They're not reading it 15 different ways. So just read it the one way, because they only presented it one way. You have no clue what's going on in their mind, just like, just like they have no clue of all the things that are going on in yours.
from one neuro spicy to another. I get it. I am over here laughing so hard because I know exactly what you're talking about. And for all of our other neuro spices out there that are listening to this, and there's many of them that listen to this podcast. What I will also say too is there's something called RSD and RSD. Are you familiar with RSD? Yes. Are you familiar enough to talk about that a little bit?
Only from my experience of it because it is definitely something that we have I have to deal with a lot
Yeah, and me too. And so I would love to hear about your dealing with that because RSD is a very challenging situation that a lot of neuro spicy as we will continue to call it, neuro spicy individuals really get challenged to have to navigate, especially when it comes to reject or to imposter syndrome.
Tansy Rodgers (42:49.036)
Let's talk about that just a little bit and how you navigate it.
So rejection, I always felt rejected. It's very true when.
And RSD, by the way, is rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Yeah, sorry, go on. No, go ahead.
Definitely, I do. If I don't hear those words, then I feel rejected. I feel like nobody likes me. Everybody hates me, why don't I go eat some worms? You know, I love that song, but that song will live in my head from a childhood. And it's kind of hard to sit there and go, okay.
I take that deep breath. I ground myself a little bit and go.
Delaine Deer (43:37.326)
It's okay. I did my best.
Delaine Deer (43:43.822)
I have value, my words have value. Not everybody's gonna see it the way I see it. But my energy hurts. I don't know how to say it anywhere else other than that. My energy hurts, I just hurt and I go.
How do I stop the pain? For me, it's almost like a physical, tingly pain.
I take moments. I have to take those moments. like after a presentation, even if I'm hearing people say good, but that one person, one person out of a hundred, by the way, it could be easily one person out of a hundred looks like they didn't like it. I'm not going to look at all 99. I'm going to look at the one.
Because that's what RSD does for me, is that if not everybody liked it, it's bad. I'm bad. I did something bad and they were detecting me. So the whole group does. So I have to take a moment. And typically what I do is like after I speak or after I do anything, I to the bathroom. Because that's the only place I can get a moment in a cell. I go, OK. Yes, I saw that one person in the back of the room with a scowl on their face the whole time. I don't know what's going on in their life.
It probably doesn't have a damn thing to do with me. And I have to just cycle that in my head. I have to make that, as I call them, my hamsters. I have a bunch of hamsters on different wheels. And I need to have one of those hamsters in that moment putting that video that I don't know what's in their life. I don't know what's going on. That's OK. They're probably they probably got a text during my call and they don't like it. And I need that playing in the background.
Delaine Deer (45:33.996)
or else I'll just focus on that and not focus on everything else. And I have so many other things I need to focus on. I need to talk to people. I need to present myself. I need to have the confidence that I had when I walked into the room, just as when I walked out of the room. And that is where, when I say that you can have authenticity and adaptability at the same time, I will walk into a room confident, see that person in the back of the room. I'm still going to walk out with my held, held high.
and have confidence.
I take that moment for me in the stall where I just and just I literally my body from from the confident level I'm gonna take that moment and embrace that moment of my energy wanting to go inward because like you said at the very beginning sometimes you go inward and then you can expand and explode right so I use that I literally use that and I take that moment and then I go
and go back out and I'm more confident because I've acknowledged that fear. I've acknowledged that rejection that I feel that may not be real. And I said, and.
I have so much more to offer to everybody else. Let them have a bad day. Let me continue forward.
Tansy Rodgers (47:00.142)
That was so helpful just to hear it from your viewpoint and you know I will say that every single human being can experience imposter syndrome, feel the rejection, feel that sensitiveness to the rejection. Every human being can feel that. So neurotypical, neurodivergent, it doesn't matter right? It doesn't matter.
If you're neurodivergent and you do experience RSD, it is like that times a hundred.
It's amplified. So that's why I mean I have
So amplified. so I love that you really talked about how you just bring it back in and you remind yourself because here's the reality, Delaine. And I say this from personal experience, when we get stuck in that either imposter syndrome or feeling the effects of the RSD literally eating away at our energy, that then can lead into burnout and really expand it. Yeah. Expand it into burnout.
causing us to close our voice down, causing us to become more self-silent, exhausted. And so let's talk about how, when that goes unchecked, what you've seen, what you've experienced when it comes to then the burnout side and still being able to step into your voice and use that. What kind of boundaries have you found to be very helpful?
Delaine Deer (48:35.15)
So burnout is definitely live and well when you're constantly trying to not feel rejected because it's so intensified. It is. It's magnified and intensified. With the burnout, what I have noticed with your voice is when you're starting to feel burnout and you're exhausted, you start to feel that your words and what you're saying are arbitrary.
and you don't have a strongest presence in when you're speaking. You revert back to old colloquialisms and how you used to speak or how you used to handle yourself and because that was your, I call it, that's when the rubber band is just to the point where it can't do anymore. It's just kind of floppy. doesn't have any resistance in it and your strength and your energy can't hold it open.
And what I have had to do myself, because I've burned out. I think everybody, I don't know about everybody, but I know a lot of people that do. And for me, it was just a fact of life a lot because I did, for a long period of time, I masked so much. I was constantly masking and I never let myself take that mask off.
that I was just, I was constantly exhausted. I had to stop and say, okay, what are my goals? What am I shooting for right now? And what are my life goals? I have life goals, I have five year goals, I have year goals, I even have daily goals. And sometimes my daily goal, by the way, is just getting out of bed sometimes on a Sunday, especially it's like, okay, I gotta get out of bed today. That's a perfectly acceptable goal.
What I get to is going, how do I make that happen true to myself?
Delaine Deer (50:41.676)
and using my voice and you're gonna be like, what does using your voice have to do with getting out of bed?
It's simply for me.
It's saying to myself and using my voice to myself of, have things to do. I want this.
Well, if you want something, you have to make it happen. Most of the time, it's just never gonna, mean, sometimes, yay, we're lucky it comes to us, but most of the time when you want something, you have to make it happen. So that's what I do. I use that voice. I use my voice to do that and to expand itself. But when I go out for goals and I'm getting exhausted, I'm trying to get out of that burnout. I sit down again and say, okay, I'm exhausted because...
had what triggered this? What was I doing? That brought upon my burnout. Was I masking in this area too much and playing on this? Like, okay, that's something authentically. have to change because like you we've we've been saying throughout this entire thing. We have to learn. have to grow. have to change. We have to identify those triggers and there's actions that caused that particular burnout. I don't think I've burned out for the same thing. Not saying that I haven't burned out.
Delaine Deer (52:04.046)
before but for the same thing. In the past 10 years for the exact same thing since I have been on this path if I burned out it's because I haven't treat I have I've left one area neglected and that overtook everything else. So it is finding that balance and it is finding
Where you're, what's pulling your energy in that moment? Cause that's what burnout is that that energy is being sucked away by something.
And we're not cognizant of what's sucking it away. So when you find that out, I don't say plug the damn, I just figure how to make it work, how to make it balanced and continue.
I'm so glad you brought up masking. That's huge in this conversation. And one I didn't think about until you actually brought it up because masking leads very often masking unchecked leads to burnout. And quickly when we're looking at men versus women, either can mask women are really good. Really good at it. And they have learned.
at it.
Tansy Rodgers (53:17.512)
There's, I will even say to many have been trained to mask their entire life. And so I would love to know how does one really start taking that mask off in the first place when that can feel really scary. So you can make healthier choices, be more authentically, how do you actually start taking that mask off so you can step forward and do these amazing things that we're talking about today.
So I talk about that in the voice of impact because it's like it's the voice that you didn't hear. you need to be nice to make to have that happen. So make sure that you're you be nice. you were a little aggressive. Why don't you just bring that down a notch? And this is when you're four, five, six years old. So we learned to mask at a very young age. I learned to mask. I wasn't.
Diagnosed NeuroSpicy until I was in my my 40s. Why I was really good at masking it
Because we grew up that way, we're told and that's where that you you were saying at the very beginning where you're feeling small and everybody feels small because we were we were taught I mean, especially Gen Z is really, you know, I don't like to get in the generational thing because it happens every single generation. But you're taught to be smaller and you were taught to, you know, be quiet and and and be pristine and
You know, it was like cross your feet or your ankles, put your hands in your lap and just be quiet because that's where you need to be. And that way people can talk to you. They don't feel threatened. And I'm like, well, why shouldn't they feel threatened? I am just as powerful as them. So how to stop that is you have to break your brain. And I know that sounds bad, but what I'm saying is break the cycle.
Delaine Deer (55:16.364)
When you're starting to get into that smallness and I use it in the voice in your head because subconsciously it's a voice in your head is how I kind of look at it. It's all everybody telling you how you should be. And like you said, I just use that word should again, right? How you should be.
Delaine Deer (55:37.938)
And when that word to me that for me now that word should is an instant trigger for me to look in and say, okay, why am I saying the word should? Like, why am I saying I should do it this way? Why am I saying I should do it that way? Why? It takes, this is not an easy path. It's not like this is a cure all it just happens overnight. You have to be cognizant of it. You have to want to grow and change. And
What I look at is when I'm starting to say something differently and when I say it, don't correct yourself in a actual conversation that may come across. I mean, if you want to go for it, I'm never going to say don't do something, but it's your exploratory value. Take note of it. Say, why did I say this this way? Go back to your office or
to the, you know, like I do when I'm scared, I go to the, even sometimes I just go to the restroom just for a moment to collect. Okay, I had a conversation just real quick. I said some things that I don't feel was authentically me. Why did I say them? Was I trying to make somebody else comfortable? Our biggest flaw that we've internalized and where masking even comes from is making other people feel comfortable.
Like it's our job. And it's a job I never signed up for. I just did it. And I was trained to do it at a very young age. So it's not my job to make other people feel comfortable. It's my job to love who I am as imperfect as I am.
and embrace that how I say things matter, how you say things matter, and to respect that things could be absolutely different from each other. We just have to listen.
Tansy Rodgers (57:40.448)
If you want your daily rituals to live on your body, meet BEU Crystals, my line of therapeutic, intention-coded jewelry. These aren't just pretty pieces, they're designed to support your nervous system, focus, and confidence in real life. And here's what makes them different and stand out against anything you're going to see out there. They are built with intention, using high-grade crystals chosen for clear purposes.
grounding like smoky quartz, self-trust like tiger's eye, heart opening like rose quartz. There's so much that I connect in. They're crafted with sterling silver, stainless steel, or bare copper for durability, skin friendliness, and anti-inflammatory properties for those who can tolerate the copper. Many pieces are adjustable for a custom feel.
Each piece is reiki infused and created with numerology and sacred geometry in mind. So your jewelry carries meaning as well as beauty. Every order includes a conscious meaning card so you know exactly how to work with your piece and exactly the energy that you're connecting into. And because I deem this jewelry wearable health, it warms my heart when clients come back to me and they tell me,
How grounded, how confident, how open, how manifesting and abundant they feel when they're working with specific pieces in my collection lines. It feels like I'm walking right next to them on their own personal health journey. Listen, habits stick when they're built into what you already do. Jewelry you love becomes a daily ritual that you don't have to remember or think about.
If you head down to the show notes, click the link for beucrystals.com and you can browse the collections that I have online. If you're at one of my live events, come try pieces on and get a mini crystal match. Your energy is yours. Wear it like you mean it.
Tansy Rodgers (59:59.912)
I learned, there's many things that I've done to show that I'm masking, but I've learned in my speech, in my voice, in my emails, my texts, when I use the word just, I'm just reaching out to you so that I can XYZ. I'm just doing this because of XYZ. I've realized that when I use that word just, that's me masking again and playing small.
See you find a
Our words are a huge part of our masking and unmasking. have stopped anybody that gets a text, email, anything from me, you will probably notice unless one slips by, I will never use the word just anymore because when I'm typing it and I see it, I take it out and I restructure that sentence because I realized that what I'm doing is I'm putting this mask on to make myself look small and
less aligned to my sign.
Less than. Just for me, whenever I see the word just, I'm like less than. My favorite is when I went to restaurants. Just one? No, only one. I am the one and only. So it can only be one. You don't make me small. Don't make anything that you have to say small. My wife says just all the time and I'm like, really? Is it just that? And I say that in a fun way.
Delaine Deer (01:01:30.792)
We have that relationship where she knows that. she's like, I know you told I told you to tell me that. But do you have to do it every time? And I'm like, yes, because that's how I learned with should because should was mine. I should have done it that way, but I'll do it this way next time. And then shouldn't but I'm like, okay, that's just not a good conversation. But I understand you with the word just I work with people that it's it's a great method. I love how you were saying that you just you reread your email. If you see the word just you restructure the sentence.
Because they have strength. Your words have power.
Yeah. And so, okay, let's talk about now somebody moves forward, they've changed their words and their phrasing. They've done the things that you've suggested. And now all of sudden, they're being more unmasked. Oh my God. And for second.
And you're gonna feel it, you're gonna be like.
Right. You're going to feel it. You're going to. You're going to feel that energy go and break and you're going to be like, wow, I didn't know this. This is awesome. Yeah.
Tansy Rodgers (01:02:35.232)
Yeah. One thing I've noticed again, even from my own personal experience and from clients that I've worked with, that when they start to pull that mask off and they step into more of their authentic self, their authentic alignment, their visions, their values, things start to get a little foggy because they thought they knew what they wanted or who they were. And now all of sudden they're questioning and wanting to know,
Wait a second, that may not actually be true. So Delaine, here's my question for you. How do you start really unpacking the true visions and values of who you are now after you pulled away the Wizard of Oz cloth, right? And you're seeing behind the surface.
You've finally seen behind the curtain, right? Yes. I for me, what I do is when I told you I write things down, I'd write the goals down and then I read them back and I go, is this for me or what voice in my head when I read this sentence? Because I tend to hear when I read when I read sentences, right? So when I read the sentence, who's reading it to me? Whose voice do I hear? Is it mine?
Is it my mom's? Is it my dad's? Is it my neighbor's? Or is it mine? People are like, well, what does that mean?
One, it can change. Here's the thing when you're first starting out and your first breaking free, you're going to muddy. The water is still muddy. That's okay. When you filter water, you don't just filter it once. You're never going to get everything out, right? You have to filter it over over. That's why it goes through all the different layers of filters.
Delaine Deer (01:04:29.728)
So therefore, some of your voice, some of somebody else's voice are going to be mixed up in your original values. Know that goals can change. As you grow, as you realize your voice can change. So I started off thinking just like in this is going to be leadership.
thinking that it's going to be that that's what it has to be. And then I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm going to as I write and as I let it unfold to me. It changed. Change is not our enemy. And I think a lot of times when it coming to goal setting, because everybody's like, okay, you have to have smart goals and they have to be specific and measurable and
Yes, smart is good. It has value. Okay, I'm not saying that that's not a good methodology. What I'm saying is that if it no longer serves you,
Delaine Deer (01:05:31.906)
then file it away.
But understand why it no longer serves you. Take the moment to ask the questions. Once again, whose voice do I hear? Why is this no longer serving me? What power or what aspect of it do I want to change?
It could be the one word, like you were saying, taking out the word just in my emails today.
Okay, I don't need to do that anymore. Why? Well, I'm going to strongly suggest that you continuously take out the word just because it limits and makes yourself smaller. think it's not a good word for women in our language, but...
It's just a powerful process that you have to take the moments and the silences to write things down. I'm not a big journal writer, so everybody's like, OK, I can't write journals. I write scribble. OK, so I just it doesn't have to be this great long journal of things. It literally can be and I'll never look at it again half the time. I'm just that's my quirk, but I got it down and I got it out and I understood it in the moment and that's what helps me.
Delaine Deer (01:06:49.548)
So it's okay that I don't do that, but you learn your whatever habit you have.
Use that.
Tansy Rodgers (01:06:59.864)
Smarkles Can I tell you smarkles actually stress me out more and cause me more burnout? They do
Yeah, they do. Yeah, that's what I'm like, yeah, not a good methodology. It's not good for me.
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure, you know, there's many people where it works great. I have found that I actually go into more burnout because I get so fixated and focused. now all of a sudden, maybe this is the neuro spicy coming out.
then
Delaine Deer (01:07:28.494)
You're like, yeah, maybe, because it's like, OK, I didn't do it. It was on the paper and I created it. Yes.
And now I got to people please, I got to please somebody by doing this and checking it off. if I don't, then I failed. And I don't know if it's because of the neuro spicy side of things or not, but I will say that, like you said, it needs to be individual. It needs to be questioned if it is the right response for you. And really checking in with
who you are and, and like you're saying with everything here, how it makes you stand, how it makes you feel, how does your energy expand? it expand or does it constrict when you do smart goals? Do you stand tall or do you constrict in, right? Like there's so much I think that goes with that.
It is, you have to listen. know, a lot of people think, okay, my mind and my body are a little separate. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. If you're feeling that constriction, that means that it's not here either. You need to, when they're open, they're open. And when they're closed, they're closed. And that's, you need to understand that that goes both ways. Your mind can close until you feel constricted and you feel you're putting yourself in a box at that point. So when you open yourself up,
open yourself up. It's a fun thing. I suggest everybody find that part that allows you to break free and let that energy just be free. Do what it's supposed to do.
Tansy Rodgers (01:09:10.573)
As you were talking, I started thinking, especially when it comes to women, women really are leaders when they step into that leadership role, when they expand, when they're moving forward, they're using their voice, their authenticity. They are leaders not only at work, but at home and in their life. So what is really a practice that lets them carry that same voice across all the worlds that they're living in without
code switching their values, these values that you just talked about, these values that they're stepping into, they're expanding in these visions. How can they really just embrace all of it and seamlessly move back and forth?
That's practice. That literally is practice. So that's why I went at the very beginning, said, authenticity and adaptability can be in the same place.
You don't tell your child to shut up and you don't tell your boardroom guy in the office to shut up, right? You can't just say, hey, both of you shut up. I'm talking here. It's not going to work. One of them will be probably, you know, if they're a teenager, they're going to tell you to shut up themself again. And it doesn't matter. And if they're your boss, it's not going to be a good fit or even your team. building big and building team. I'm teamwork in work environments. What I do is you
be authentic. if you don't like being talked over, who does, right? But I'm just using that as an example. It's that with your child, you pick your words. What is going to make them understand it at their level? With your team, you have to be a little bit more firm. And there's a very big, there's a difference between assertive and aggressive that I go over in the Voice of Impact, because it's a, it's a.
Delaine Deer (01:11:05.59)
It's a fine line, but you have to be more assertive. And what I do is does it lessen who I am? Is it changing my value if I change how I say this? If I'm telling like my value is I never say the word shut up. I try never to say shut up to anybody. I appreciate their voice. I mean, hence, right? So I go, thank you. However, this was my intent.
So I don't take away what they had to say.
I just make sure that my intent is still present with somebody who is personal. You can be softer or harder depending upon situation. don't know, you it depends on the situation.
Delaine Deer (01:11:57.368)
But what you can't do if you want to be authentic is stray into something that doesn't have any value to you. Like for me to go up and say shut up to somebody.
just because I'm feeling like that's what I should do in that moment.
Delaine Deer (01:12:18.22)
That's not authentically me. So I take whatever society's pressures are or whatever I've been taught in my head and as it comes up and comes forward I'm like shoulda, shoulda, shoulda, shoulda, I'm like, whoop, I'm saying this word.
Delaine Deer (01:12:37.612)
I got to stop. What do I want to do? And these pauses that I say that to take, they're not, once again, they're not minute long pauses. They're not 10 minute pauses. They could be if you need that. Might happen in seconds, sometimes milliseconds. I literally go, now that's practice. That took me time to get there.
But taking a moment before you say something will probably always better serve you than work against you. And how I always look at that is like, think about great orators. I always mess up on that word. But I think of Barack Obama when he speaks.
He takes his time when he's going in to say a sentence, he doesn't rush it. If he wants to say a point, he'll stop for a moment and then continue on. And if you look at anybody that's doing a lot of talks, they'll do the same thing. That's a trainable skill. But what it does is make you one, think about what you're saying, two,
takes away the words that people tend to use that actually lessen what they want to say. Like, you know what I mean? Or just, or,
My favorite is the, you know, you know, you know.
Delaine Deer (01:14:15.494)
Or, you know, like, yeah, I know, I get it. Thanks. I lose focus for somebody like me. Like you say, you know more than once. I'm sitting, now I'm sitting here going, well, what do I know? Do I know it? Do I know what? What do I know? I don't know anything. You know, I take it and I'll, my head will go anywhere but where I'm supposed to be.
So taking the pregnant pause allows you to clear your head and it allows you to adjust it either way.
Tansy Rodgers (01:14:47.758)
when I hear a lot of those words, like, you know, you know, you know, they become earworms and I can't focus on anything else. This speech may be amazing, but those earworms, they've taken over. so taking that pregnant pause, like you just called it, I think is so valuable because that really helps to pull some of that away that people can literally now hear you. Not just in volume.
but actually focus on the words that you want them to hear.
Yes, because you've given them time to listen. You've given them time to hear the words. A lot of people think they have to fill the silence and our brains don't work that way. actually need we need moments to catch up with everything. Maybe process all of the sentence that you're saying.
Yeah. There has been so much wisdom here. my goodness. Let's talk about your book because I a lot of this wisdom is within this book. Your book is called Built to Lead. I would love first for you to tell us about your book. What inspired you to write this? What is in this book that people can really take as nuggets of wisdom and to help themselves grow?
Sure. So, to lead was, I was talking to my dad. You'll hear me talk a lot about my father. And he was, you know, I was just listening to his wisdom from over all the time because I love to talk to him. And he's like, you should write a book one day. Why would I write a book? And then I was like, and then I started writing.
Delaine Deer (01:16:37.774)
voice of impact. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to write a book and built to lead. And then it's built to lead what it takes to lead in a world that wasn't built for you. And it is about how I, at a young age, started a company with my father. I was 25 and I had an HVAC and plumbing company in Charleston, South Carolina. And it crashed and burned.
2008 when the big depression hit, it crashed and burned. And I felt like I was lost. So the book kind of takes you through me growing up in the construction industry as a blonde haired, blue eyed woman with, and I had a very strong Southern accent. I know that you can't hear it now, but I was born in Charleston. I went through diction training. I had a strong Southern accent.
And I was out in the field with a whole bunch of men telling me what I couldn't do. And I was like, well, people should heal that. That was an experience that I think that we can find mentorship in the most unique ways. And I go about that in my book about a gentleman who I think he was probably about 65 at the time. So nice and weathered old man just sat me down and taught me how to plumb.
So I learned how to do playing from him out in the field. And then it goes into how women were ignored. And how did I get around that? How did I walk into a room that had 20 men and one female?
and they're all thinking that I was in the wrong place. How did I address that? And then it goes into how did I change myself? How did I morph into where I am now? So how did I strategically change my entire trajectory from when I moved up here in 2012 to where I am now? And the book goes into all about that. mean, I go into, you know, starting strong at 25 to...
Delaine Deer (01:18:47.96)
going into how to build my reputation. How did I navigate my career choices to where in the past that I went, I went from, and this is no easy feat. I doubled my salary within four years. I went from, know, let's just use theoretically. So when you think about it, I started at 50 and I went into 100 within four years. How do you do that? So it kind of goes into like, what choices did I make? How was I strategic about things?
And I kind of say, well, sometimes I had to think like a man and I just ask for it. Right? Like we don't tend to ask for raises. I don't understand that anymore.
I would now did I live that then? Yes, but now I don't understand it anymore. We should just ask everybody else. I mean the others do and then how mentorship became important and how diversity all played into a part. And so that book just takes you all the way through my life. And what I love about the book is is that I included key takeaways in every chapter and why I did that is, you know, either storytelling. But there's
a little bit more and we talked about the how people want to know how to how well everything I do no matter if it's an ebook or a you full book or a course that I have I'm always going to tell you the how I'm going to tell I'm going to give you the theory but here's how here are practical steps and practical takeaways to get from it and so I did that in my book as well.
or
Tansy Rodgers (01:20:22.504)
So when you wrote your book, was there a lesson that you learned the hard way that had to be part of that book? Like if you had to pick one lesson, which is your favorite, which was the hardest that you had to learn that was a non-negotiable to be in that book?
Well, when I lost it all and I had to rise from the ashes, there was no way my story could be told without telling that. I remember how said people could see that I carried the world upon my shoulders. I felt that when my company closed, now big picture.
The depression in 2008 was no joke. It hit everywhere, construction very hard. A lot of businesses closed. I wasn't the only one.
So, but I felt that it was completely my fault. Now, my father was also in business with me. We had other people doing business. There's a whole, a lot of people that make up a team. Like when you play soccer or when you play a sport and you lose, it's not just the goalkeeper's fault. It's the team, you know, the team had a bad day. Okay, you rise and ride above it. But what I had to do is I put that in the book to show,
we have to grow from where we're at. And I went into depression and I even go in to the book about how I went into a pretty bad depression. I felt that I failed everything. I felt my failed my father. I felt that I failed my mother. I felt that I failed everybody in my family and my ancestors that have been long since dead. I don't know why I felt like I felt failed them, but I did because we had a house and it was named dear subdivision because it was named after my great
Delaine Deer (01:22:19.726)
great grandfather, and we had to sell that house. We had to give up all of this stuff. And we literally had to move from Charleston down, I moved to Florida and I started from scratch. I mean, I was president of a company and I became a laborer back out on the construction site again. Now I was still a master plumber and I still had to go and become a laborer. That's humbling to go from leadership.
to the lowest person on the totem pole out in the field. But I still led where I was at. And that's what I teach in here. I still led where I was at because innately, this is who I was. This was me being authentic. And I couldn't hide that under a bushel. I wouldn't allow myself after I got out of the depression, after I said, I can do this. I can rebuild.
Delaine Deer (01:23:19.596)
And it took, it took time. mean, and guys, I even went into the book that, I, I gained a hundred pounds. I went deep into a hole. I still dug myself out and that's okay. That's part of who I am. And it has allowed me to see perspectives from a lot of different angles. And so it had to be in the book.
I love that. And then you found so much value in this that you then created or you're in the moment of creating a publishing company to support other people, to amplify their voices. I love this. love this. Can you tell us, I know that this is a new venture, so can you tell us a little bit about PWH Publishing and what you are hoping to come from that?
it is for women and it is to navigate how to publish yourself if you want to publish yourself with the support of a publishing company that's gone through it. I can help you with all of your copywriting and all of the stuff that was daunting and one thing that I was noticing with a lot of publishing companies out there is like okay yes it's going to cost you twenty thousand dollars but you didn't know what that was for. You're like it's twenty thousand dollars published a book what the heck so everything that I do is I was like well
You know when you walk into a hair salon, they have a board up and they tell you it's going to be $160 for this and it's going to be $40 for that. Okay, I want these three items. So, okay, let's make it plug and play. What do you need help in? You can buy a package if you want it or you can see it and literally purchase it and it's straightforward. It is completely transparent. So everything that I work in and everything I do is transparency. And
You say, can't really afford this, but I can do this. Okay. What else do you need help with? Okay. Here, here are at least tips. I'm always going to give you tips. I'm never going to leave you hanging. And I have an editor who feels the same way. is 25 year old woman who is like, you know what? I brand myself. I don't want to be pigeonholed into any one thing. And I'm like, great. Do you want to do my, be my editor? She's like, yes. And
Delaine Deer (01:25:37.75)
I know she's young, but my gosh, she can write and she is a great editor. She's really good at the copywriting and and all of the developmental writing and asking the right questions to because a good editor brings it out of you. Sometimes I had an editor read my book and they're like, tell me about this because I would write one sentence and they're like, there's a whole story here. I know it. Why isn't that in the book? And so she's really good at bringing those efforts out. And then I
love people to grow. if you want to say build the brand for your book, great. Let's take that action. What are those steps? So I kind of feel like my publishing company isn't just a publishing company. It's kind of like a coach within a publishing company as well, because everything I do is to help you grow and be sustainable. Everything is also 100%. I take nothing. I only take the fee that you see.
So if you publish your book on Amazon or wherever and you sell it worldwide and you become a bestseller, I get zero of that because I don't want that. That's not my intention. My intention is just to help you become the best that you are. So we are really more of just helping you succeed.
That is amazing. I love it. And it's, it all makes so much sense to me with you in the background of being in construction. I mean, this is really like you're literally operating it in such a way that it just is, is different and it's, it's unique, but it's also exactly, I think what we need. I love that. In a moment, we're going to talk about where all of these links are. But before we get there, let's do some rapid fire questions, Delaine. Are you ready?
Okay, I'm ready.
Tansy Rodgers (01:27:18.24)
All right, so I'm going to ask you three questions just to wrap this up today, to bring this conversation into this beautiful little package. And these are just quick short answers, whatever tops your brain immediately. All right. All right, number one, a sentence that you say to yourself right before a high stakes moment.
You got this. Good. Every single time.
Good one. Good one. I love it. All right. Number two. One boundary that protects your voice on busy weeks.
Delaine Deer (01:27:57.998)
I actually make sure that I schedule time in my calendar, at least 30 minutes. It's a hidden secret on my calendar, because somebody would be like, what meeting is that? I put meetings in throughout my day to value my time, because my time is valuable, and I need moments. And sometimes I'll take a long bathroom break.
I love it. love stuff.
I just take a long bathroom break.
All right, and number three, what is a tiny ritual that helps you switch from self doubt to service and moving forward?
do is something with my body. So I kind of wipe it off and then shake it out, kind of jump a little bit and then walk forward with purpose and passion. So I literally it's almost like a total physical thing it's like a energy thing I just but I have to I'm like nope let's get it and then and then go and then walk.
Tansy Rodgers (01:29:00.002)
That is a version of what I do when I feel like I'm carrying a lot of heavy energy. That's actually an energetic technique. I love that, Delaine.
I didn't even know that, but that's what I do. Beautiful.
Beautiful. I love that. All right. Well, this has been an incredible conversation and I want people in your world. So Delaine, where can people find you and what are you most excited about in your work right now?
Sure, you can find me at www.ProWorksHive.com. And on that you have my coaching and I actually even have a community site, but my passion on that is the Voice of Impact, which I have either a self-paced course that I have, and it comes with a 300 page, I guess companion notebook. So basically what I've done is I've created this lovely notebook that
is a companion to the course that helps you. It has all the templates that I talk about, all the discussions. Basically, it's a great journal for you to write in and jot notes down because I figure people need to write things down or doodle in depending on how you work. But it's something there. And I love how that works. I also have it in a cohort style where we go up to
Delaine Deer (01:30:14.24)
eight people, that's the maximum size cohort I have. And the reason being is I, and it has to be even numbers I prefer because I want people to work with each other. Cause I think that we learn in a community and we have value. And there's a VIP level where you can have personal courses with me. I also do packages for coaching that is specific to you and very customized to you. So we can always work that out. That is more of a customizable thing. But
I always say it never happens in a day. it typically, I only do minimum of a four pack because I honestly feel that we have to work through some things. And then the other thing I have is, you in the book on the website and the, mentioned PWH publishing, which is getting ready to go truly live right now, the website's open and you can actually do things, but it'll be truly live at the end of this month.
so that we can spread that news everywhere. We had a soft launch before, we wanted to clean some things up, now we're gonna have our good, solid, hard launch at the end of October. But it's exciting out there. And if you look me up at DelaneyDeer.com, you can see just some of the things that I've done and where I've spoken and some of the areas that I've been written in, some articles that have been written about me. But...
One thing I do want to offer and I just want to talk about is that when people come from listening to your podcast, I'm going to provide a code so that they can come in and they'll get a discount just because they're reaching out and they're talking to you. And I just want to make sure that your fans in your group get to join in and see what we have to offer.
Thank you so much. That is really kind. And as always, all of the links will be down in the show notes, including that code. So if you're curious what the code is, make sure you jump down to the show notes and click on the link, use that code, and get into Delaine's world. This has been amazing. Do you have any last words that you would like to lay on the hearts of the listeners for today?
Delaine Deer (01:32:10.88)
Yes, I just want to say one thing. Your voice is your power. Use it with intention, not permission. And we always ask for permission to stop and just be intentful.
Thank you so much, Celine. Thank you so much for being here today and thank you for the work that you're doing.
I appreciate it. Talk to you later.
As we close out this episode, I want you just to notice what's echoing the loudest for you. Maybe it's the idea that your voice doesn't have to be louder to be powerful. It just needs to be truer. And maybe it's the realization that you've been leading for a long time, even if you've never claimed that word for yourself. Instead of rushing off to the next thing, take this conversation with you by sitting with these three questions.
Where in my life am I most clearly not saying what I think or feel? And what am I afraid is going to happen if I did? And if I trusted that my voice could create healing and impact, what is one conversation, boundary, or truth that I'm ready to show up for this month? And finally,
Tansy Rodgers (01:33:31.006)
What does leading as myself actually look like in my everyday life? Not some future version, but right now, this very moment.
If Delaney's work really resonated with you, make sure to jump on down into the show notes and click on those links to get into her world. And don't forget, she has that time sensitive discount. So make sure you click on that link and use that discount before it runs out.
Thank you for spending this time with us and for being willing to explore what your voice is really capable of. And until next time, keep spreading that beautiful energy you were born to share.
