Tansy Rodgers (00:13.752)
Welcome back to the Energy Fix, a podcast dedicated to help you balance your energetic body by diving deep into the sweet world of all things health and spirituality. My name's Tansy and I'm an intuitive crystal Reiki energy healer, energetic nutrition and holistic health practitioner, and a crystal jewelry designer. It's time to talk all things energy. Let's dive in.
Today we're going to be talking about a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. And it's also a topic that quietly drains so many people's energy, their sleep, their bank accounts, their nervous systems. We're going to be talking all about family caregiving. For anybody who's been following me for a while, you may know that I had spent many, many years in a family caregiving role.
And so when I got this opportunity to interview, to have this beautiful conversation, the supportive conversation with Annalee Kruger I was more than excited and more than willing to get her onto this show. I've been there in that role and the amount of stress and the amount of emotional, energetic, physical chaos that can happen during those times, it is all
consuming. And so I wanted to bring Anna Lee onto today's episode to give you a resource, to give you support, to give you insights on a professional that is in this field. So if you've been juggling kids, work, your own health, and then also caring for an aging parent or a loved one, or you're pretty sure that's coming down the road, this episode is absolutely for you.
My guest today, like I said, is Annalee Kruger. She has devoted her entire career to guiding families through the messy, emotional, very real world of aging, dementia, and caregiving. She helps families make actual plans instead of waiting for a crisis at 2 a.m. in the ER. You know, my grandma had dementia and I wish during that time that I was an active
Tansy Rodgers (02:35.722)
inactive role of caregiving for her. I wish that I would have had these resources to help me, not even from the medical standpoint, but even the mental and the emotional standpoint so that I didn't feel like I was so alone inside and within myself, right? Anna Lee is a national speaker on aging, caregiving, dementia, family dynamics, and end of life.
and she's the author of The Invisible Patient, The Emotional, Financial, and Physical Toll on Family Caregivers. She's also the founder of CareRite and the Aging Strategy Coaching Academy, where she trains people to better serve seniors and their families. In our conversation, we're gonna talk about the emotional financial relationship and physical toll that caregiving can actually take on you.
what dementia really looks like and the common misunderstandings that cause so much conflict, not only within the family, but also within the caregiver. We're gonna talk about the current landscape of senior care and what aging at home actually involves. And we're gonna step into the signs of caregiver burnout that we tend to ignore until the wheels are totally coming off of our bus.
and it looks like we are spinning out of control. That is only a little bit of what we're covering. There's so much depth in this conversation. I really hope that it helps you with exactly where you're at right now. Now, if your stomach just clenched a little from hearing all that, you're not alone. This episode isn't about shaming you for not having a perfect plan. It's about giving you the language, the perspective, the practical steps
so that you're not carrying all of this alone in your head. We're just gonna get right into it. Here's my conversation with Annalee Kruger. Let's dive in.
Tansy Rodgers (04:44.034)
Welcome to the Energy Fix Podcast. Thank you so much for being here, Annali.
Thank you for having me, Tansy. I appreciate it.
we're gonna be diving deep into a conversation that is so near and dear to my heart and one that is so needed, especially for women that are listening, men too, but especially the women that are listening because caregiver roles typically fall onto our shoulders, right? Typically. And again, I don't wanna stereotype, but that is often what happens.
And this is a conversation that I think is going to be more and more needed, but also a conversation that not only is needed because of the abundance of it happening, but also a conversation needed to keep the health and wellness and mental health of the caregiver completely intact.
Yeah. Yeah, it's easy to get, we call it that caregiver snowball, right? Where caregiving starts out feeling like, oh yeah, I can do this, it's manageable. And then in time, you're like, wow, I'm not a nurse. I'm not, you know, I'm doing wound care on mom or taking her to the bathroom. And that doesn't always feel comfortable, right? So, you know, so we call that the caregiver snowball where
Tansy Rodgers (05:42.828)
Yeah.
Annalee Kruger (06:03.404)
their needs and the time required to take care of them and coordinate their doctor's appointments and take off work to get them to their doctor's appointments or flying back and forth, you know, because parents don't always live down the street from the kids anymore. So that caregiver snowball can really, it can sneak up on you and the next thing you know, you're pretty overwhelmed and burned out and kind of resentful.
Yeah. And I will say I was in a caregiver role with my grandparents for many, many, many years, expanding past a decade. And I will tell you, know, Annalia, I don't know if you're totally familiar, but my background, I have a whole background in physical therapy and in health and wellness, holistic health and wellness. And I will tell you, because I had those skills, I got called on to do those skills, which meant I felt like I was literally working 24 seven.
Yeah, so, and I know I'm not alone.
You are not alone. We're talking about that. That is, you know, there's a lot of assumptions that families have. They're like, well, you know, my daughter will take care of me because she's a nurse or my son is a doctor. Well, these people work like double shifts consistently at their job. And then they come home and they're like, OK, now it's time for me to now take care of my loved one, whether it's a spouse, a sibling or a aging parent. And, you know, their workday is never done and there's never
There's just not enough me time to really recharge, reconnect and they get burned out.
Tansy Rodgers (07:34.806)
Yeah, yeah. Well, before we dive into all of that fun conversation and nitty gritty of the caregiving world, let's first get to know you a little bit closer. Let's get to know you and where you're at in this season of your life, Annali. Is there a word or a phrase that you're really embodying right now and connecting to?
Actually, yes. And it's what we were actually just talking about a little bit, self-care. I'll admit, I've been a bit of a hypocrite the last 20 years as I've been growing and scaling my family caregiver consultancy. I'm like, know, families come to us as overwhelmed, burned out family caregivers. And they're like, what do we do? And they just don't have any time for themselves. They haven't been able to get their hair done. They haven't been a Bible study.
and you know, they got thrust into caregiving. Well, we're of that age where that happens to us too with we get thrust into caregiving with aging parents. And it's easy to let other people's exceed or interfere with what you need to do for self care. So my word, if you will, for this for 2025 has been self care where it's like,
Setting a little bit more boundary with my business, not working seven days a week, 14 hour days, like setting some boundaries, getting out, getting more walks in, getting some exercise, just getting some quiet time. Took my first three day vacation or retreat in, in the woods, literally in the woods, in a cottage, with the deer and the raccoons and all the wonderful things that were out there, the owls and the coyotes and all that kind of stuff.
and just got re-centered enough and decompressed enough. And that's what I wish for all people, but especially for family caregivers, because I'm telling you, your day, your life, your vacation, everything changes with one phone call. And so it's easy to just get caught up in that whirlwind of like, my gosh, mom needs this, dad needs that, my in-laws need this, but I have a special needs child who needs this.
Annalee Kruger (09:45.1)
That's the predicament a lot of people are in and it's easy to not take good care of yourself and let all of those other responsibilities interfere with your emotional well-being, your physical well-being, your exercise and your financial well-being and just your relationships as well. So that's what I'm trying to, you know, there's, I'm not perfect. So I am trying to like work my way through this to like navigate how do I make sure that I have enough time for myself too.
That's a huge topic. That's, I believe personally, the number one issue that so many have is actually starting at that foundational self care. What do you feel was the one or two pieces that really helped you to bring in more self care? Like, how did you connect to that when that is so challenging at times?
Well, sometimes you don't have a lot of choice, because when you're having chest pain and you're not sleeping great, because you have a lot of stress, right? And so that prompts you to say, look, you know what? I don't want to have a heart attack. I don't want to have a stroke. I need to get my life back in order and make sure I'm exercising and not eating a pop tart for breakfast because it's quick. Getting real with yourself and saying, look,
Is my weight where I want it to be? No. Is my sleep schedule where I want it to be? No. Am I having fun outside of work or fun outside your business? No. Sometimes you just kind of get slapped in the face with reality of like, if you keep this up, it's not going to be good for you.
Yeah. And I have to say, I know I've talked about this before in previous podcast episodes, but I feel like this is just so perfectly aligned to what you were saying. I had a moment where I was caring for my grandparents for a decade and the weight was getting more and more and more and I was having more moments of panic attacks. My anxiety was off the charts and my burnout was so bad.
Tansy Rodgers (11:54.668)
I was functional burnout. was in functional burnout. But my burnout got so bad, I literally fell on the floor and I couldn't move my body. I was in complete freeze mode. My nervous system shut down. And so I tell you this because I don't wish that on anybody. I don't wish the strokes, the heart attacks or any of that stuff on anybody. What's really important here is to have this conversation to catch it ahead of time.
That's right. That's right.
We're gonna get back into this conversation in just a second, but I wanna remind you of a couple ways that you can get extra support from me outside of this podcast, especially heading into the holidays. First, if you've been eyeing my jewelry and thinking, okay, but I wish there was a piece designed just for XYZ, that's literally what my custom crystal bracelets are for.
We look at what you're navigating, may it be stress, grief, gut issues, boundaries, burnouts, whatever it is. And I design a piece with specific stones, numerology, and intention to support your personal energy. It's like having a tiny wearable alder on your wrist that just travels with you into family gatherings, work, and all of the holiday chaos. And if your nervous system has been riding the edge lately,
This is also a really good time to book a healing session with me. Crystal Reiki, energy work, and nervous system support really help to regulate you and help you to stay calmer, clearer, and more grounded instead of white-knuckling it this entire holiday season. You can jump on over to beucrystals.com to shop my crystal jewelry and any custom pieces.
Tansy Rodgers (13:48.022)
You can also reach out to me directly if you want to make a custom crystal bracelet. I do have a limited supply that I am putting out there for this season. You can also head on over to tansyofroggers.com to book a healing session and any coaching through me there. Both links are down in the show notes. So just jump on down and tap on that link after you're done listening to this episode.
have the conversation, put an aging plan in place that allows you time to breathe, right? And stay connected to yourself because I know it's this whole like old saying and it's, but it's true. You have to put your oxygen mask on first, especially if you're the glue kind of holding all this together for vulnerable adults, like your aging parents or grandparents or special needs child.
or spouse, like anybody and everybody ends up kind of getting thrust into caregiving to someone that they know and love. And when I say thrust, it's like thrust because not all the people that had major strokes last Thursday didn't wake up thinking, I think I'm to have a major stroke today. Or, you know, on my four days after my 40th birthday, I was simply helping an 82 year old gentleman cross the street in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. He yelled, watch out.
Next thing I know, I'm getting up off the street. I was hit by a distracted school bus driver. She blew through a four-corner stop and she was looking inside the internal mirror instead of through the windshield. And so she didn't apply the brakes until she saw my face break the headlight of a school bus. I certainly didn't wake up on that May 3rd of 2012 going, huh, I think I'm gonna get run over by a school bus today and just see how that works out for me, right?
But all those, you know, life happens, life has its own agenda and we have to be prepared for it. But I certainly couldn't take care of myself. My parents ended up getting thrust into caregiving for me because I had, you know, my face broke the headlight of the school bus. So this is all titanium, right? And broken ribs and internal bleeding and stuff. As a single woman with no kids, no family of her own, my parents ended up having to take me in and take care of me for almost a year.
Annalee Kruger (16:05.954)
Caregiving, know, life happens just like that. And, you know, all of us can end up either the caregiver or the care recipient and or both.
Wow. Well, that scene, that feeling, was that the point that you realized that you needed to fix something or was it something else? Was there another moment that brought you to where you're at now?
Well, no, that wasn't it. That just happened on a Tuesday.
It's just an everyday Tuesday occurrence.
Didn't say you get plowed over by a school bus. No, but that did solidify because Care Right, my business was only one year old, literally like to the almost to the day. And so, you know, it was was definitely a turning point because I had to start my business all over because I couldn't speak, I had a broken face, you know, so. but it you know, I practice what I preach, so I had my grab and go binder.
Annalee Kruger (16:59.518)
I had my living will, my power of attorney, my healthcare documents, my allergies, my, you know, I have all that in order because I've spent my whole career working with families in crisis who didn't have anything in order. So at least I had that piece of it put together. Like, so my family, they have my business accession plan. They know who my attorney is, my financial advisor. They have all my accounts and passwords. They have my funeral arrangements. They have my do not resuscitate.
I carry some of those documents with me, my Do Not Resuscitate, my healthcare power of attorney, and my living will just because I work in crisis management and all those people that I work with found themselves in crisis and totally ill prepared. So like I learned from people's mistakes, right? So I carry that stuff with me. And the paramedic was like,
I've been a paramedic for 30 years. I've never had anybody produce their documents like in the back of the wagon because that's how they talk, you know, and I was like here they are because I I know what quality of life means to me and I know what it doesn't mean to me and so This way I don't ever have to worry or I shouldn't have to worry about Being hooked up to tubes or feeding tubes or ventilators or anything like that because I have it clearly documented on what I do want and what I don't want and
and my family is very, my siblings who are my power of attorney, they're very aware of what my wishes are so that when something happens, it's like muscle memory, like, we know Annali doesn't want to be resuscitated. We know she doesn't want any life prolonging procedures. She's right with God when it's his, when he calls her home, it's time to go home, right? So, but it's because I've had numerous conversations with my...
Siblings who are my power of attorney to say hey if something happens to me This is what my wishes are so they don't ever have the guesswork or argue about what I would want or what I wouldn't because they they know exactly because I've had at least a hundred conversations with them Do so that it becomes like Cemented in their brains so that when things happen because it's just a matter of time, right? We don't get healthier more able-bodied more mobile as we age
Annalee Kruger (19:11.372)
You know, just like all the people yesterday trying to come home from work that got T-boned in the intersection, didn't expect that to happen either, but it happened to probably thousands of people who may or may not have lost capacity or got really injured or died in that car accident. So not to be the Debbie Downer here, but like the stuff happens, it's real life. So we have to be prepared so that we don't leave ourselves or our families vulnerable because we...
We weren't prepared and didn't have things documented and discussed.
Yeah, well, okay, so we talked about the why, now let's talk about the who that's carrying all of it. You call caregivers the invisible patient. First, before we get into that next part of my question here, I want you to unpack that. Why do you call them the invisible patient?
First.
Annalee Kruger (20:02.444)
Yeah, so I've worked with family caregivers and folks in the dementia journey for well over 40 years. And so that's literally all I know is family caregiving, dementia, senior care costs, landscape of senior care, decision making, all of that. That's why I started my own consultancy to help families make better, more informed decisions.
And every single day for 30 years, had adult kids say, you know, I love mom and dad, but like, I don't know what I'm doing with them. And it's not sustainable. I can't keep missing work. Or my spouse is like, look, I love your parents too, but figure out what to do with them because you're not present in our own family. so I wrote the book, The Invisible Patient, the emotional, financial and physical toll on family caregivers as a nod.
to all family caregivers who either got thrust into caregiving or it just happened organically and they don't feel heard. That's why they're the invisible patient. They don't get asked, how are you holding up? Like when I'm working with our clients, with our families, they all say, Anna Lee, you're the first person to ever ask how I'm doing as the caregiver. And these are usually adult kids or spouses. They're taking their...
care recipient, if you will, to hundreds of doctor's appointments every year, and no one is asking, how are you holding up? Well, the emotional, physical, and financial toll of family caregiving is what derails our lives as a caregiver. And even when I was caregiving with my own aging parents, my mom had dementia, my dad had a stroke, like right shortly after I started taking care of my mom and...
you know, that progressed her dementia very rapidly and stuff like that. You get thrust into it. Everybody was always asking, well, how's your mom? How's your dad? You know, because that's normal. But no one was asking, like, how are you doing? Because I'm like running ragged, right? Because they have like 16 doctors appointments and medications constantly changing and all that kind of stuff. That's what it's like when you become a family caregiver. And I
Annalee Kruger (22:15.86)
love that I was able to do that for my parents because that's a gift to be able to spend that type of time and devotion back to them for being good parents. it's also that also comes with a cost.
And so that invisible patient, you know, as you're talking, I'm thinking to myself, well, what are some of those miss signs? What are some of the earliest, easiest miss signs that a caregiver's nervous system is either moving into burnout or they're really struggling mentally, emotionally, energetically, physically, all the things?
All of that. You can talk about the emotional piece. The emotional toll is you're always waiting for that next phone call. Like, dad fell again. He's got Parkinson's, but he's a caregiver to mom with dementia. There's just that emotional angst of like, oh my gosh, I live in New York and they live in Arizona. my typical clients are paying 15, 20 grand just an airfare.
six to 12 months before they hire us for an aging plan because that airfare when you get that call isn't $69 on Frontier, right? So that's kind of more the financial cost, but just always being an angst or having to talk to your boss again about like, I'm so sorry that I'm gonna miss the deadline on this project or that I had to reschedule a high net worth client if they're like a financial advisor because I have to fly somewhere to go take care of aging parents. So that emotional toll,
and that angst of when you can't reach your parent, when you call them on your lunch break and you're like, my gosh, did they fall down? Did they wander outside the house? Did mom leave the stove on and the house is burning down? Like just all that emotional angst. And then every family caregiver I've ever worked with, myself included, we never, even though we are bending over backwards, doing everything possible, and then some, we still don't feel like we're doing enough.
Annalee Kruger (24:15.978)
We don't feel like we're doing a good enough job. Did I take care of this properly? Did I do that okay? There's always just this angst of, I doing a good enough job? And then the angst of, even the most supportive partners or spouses will say, look, honey, your parents are great, but you're just not present in our marriage.
present in our relationship. Every time we try to go on vacation, you're like constantly on your phone checking his dad. Okay, you're just not present or you've missed our own kids events or school events and those kinds of things and that that then causes a relationship wedge in your marriage and in your other relationships to the other emotional angst of families as well is.
Families don't always see eye to eye on how well mom and dad are really doing or how their inheritance should be spent or how demented dad really is. And so the relationship angst of thinking that your siblings were going to help out more and then you feel really alone and isolated because they're not, or they're like, you've always, you know,
magnified everything and exaggerated. And when I talked to dad, you know, my one time a month for seven minutes, he sounds just fine. But that local or that go to alpha caregiver who's like taking time off and going to all these doctors appointments and gets the phone calls at three in the morning because mom fell again and she can't get herself up. So 85 % of my week is actually spent doing family mediation because families just don't see eye to eye.
And that's also why on my book, the cover is a lonely bench because it can be a very lonely journey if we don't put enough plans in place and have enough supports and systems in place to make this, to allow everyone to be successful in that aging and caregiving and dementia journey. So that's the emotional, that's part of the emotional piece, or you're trying to sleep and as soon as you lay your head down, you're like,
Annalee Kruger (26:23.726)
I don't know, did dad take his pills? Did he make it to that appointment? So there's just always that angst that really, it's not sustainable emotionally. So we know that a lot of family caregivers are getting therapy, they're on medications for depression and anxiety when it's really because they don't have an aging plan in place and enough supports in place for their family to be successful throughout this aging and caregiving journey.
I'm having PTSD just listening to this. I say that joking, but yet not really. Because I will verify that and say, yes, confirm all of that, all of that. And as you were talking, all I could think about was when my pop would call me at 9 o'clock at night, 10 o'clock at night, I'd go into an immediate panic attack.
my gosh, what's wrong? Did he fall? Do I have to go and pick him up? I live right next to them, right? my gosh, what's gonna happen? And when he would call and then he'd say, hey, I wanted to make sure, make sure to put milk down on the grocery list. I've just said, like, you've gotta be kidding me. It is nine o'clock at night. right? Like complete, I can't even listen to an ambulance or a police siren.
Yeah.
going down the road because I'm so conditioned that when I hear that near my house, I still think, my goodness, they could have been going to my grandparents. Both of my grandparents have since passed. But what I will say is that was a year ago that the second one had passed, and I'm still feeling that angst, that aftermath of. It lingers.
Annalee Kruger (28:12.672)
It does linger. And when we talk about PTSD, and I'm not joking about it either, because that's a real thing. Another emotional angst of caregiving is because sometimes people are like, well, once you put someone in a care community, you're no longer a family caregiver. You are. You're just now caregiving to them in the care community. And now you're having to coordinate and be that.
care, you know, the care patrol to make sure that mom's getting her bath and she's getting fed and that, you know, she's getting toileted and that her room is getting clean and that she's got her sweater on. And, and so my like PTSD, if you want to call it that, because it really truly is that I can't, I still cannot drive past the memory care facility that she was in because during COVID, so many of the residents in these senior care homes and still today are abused and neglected because they didn't have enough staff.
They have massive turnover and leadership. And so if there's no one in management or leadership there, it is the wild, wild West and most of these care communities. And when you can't like, even as a, even as a family consultant and a patient advocate, that's, that's also what we do. have a large umbrella of services that we provide for families worldwide, but even as a professional advocate, we weren't deemed essential either. And so.
Thankfully with my mom, she was on the first floor. She was in a memory care facility that was one floor and she was on the exterior room so that we're doing window visits. And she's like, why can't, I have chairs. Why don't you come inside? Cause you know, she didn't understand that it's like a pandemic and all this kind of stuff. But she's like, what is wrong with you people? Like, why are you standing outside my window? Come on in. It's like hot out there. But you know, when your loved one.
You know, I spent so much of my visits with my mom, not being able to be the daughter. And that's really what us kids want. We want to be able to son and be able to be the daughter. But most of my visits were trying to find workers, trying to get mom toileted, getting her to the shower because they didn't get her toileted all day long. And she was totally soiled by the time I would get there after work. You know, so that emotional angst of just like,
Annalee Kruger (30:32.276)
you know that your loved one's not being properly taken care of, but you also don't have a lot of choice in it because it was during the pandemic. Couldn't get caregivers to come to the house because you didn't want to bring COVID in there either, you know, or they couldn't show up for their shift. And so many care facilities weren't taking on new admissions. So if your loved one was already in a facility,
it sort of in some ways made sense to keep them there because you don't know if you could take them home and afford the $35,000 a month in 24 care that she would need. Or if the workers would even be able to get here because maybe they were sick, right? And my dad had had a stroke in the meantime, so we've got two parents that need two different kinds of care. So that's what I'm talking about. Like this is real life stuff, but that emotional turmoil. And then if you are taking care of, you know, if you have two parents,
And the one is like in my, in our case with our family, when my mom fell, that progressed her, she had mild cognitive impairment. So that's one of the reasons why when I started my own consultancy in 2011, I needed to create a business that worked for my family and my lifestyle. Cause I knew I wanted to be actively involved in my parents' care needs and can't do that if you're just working in an office all the time. So if I had the internet, that's all I needed and I could help millions of families across the country as long as they had the internet too.
and I could be available for my parents. And thank God I was able to do that. But you also end up being the confidant, the social worker, the friend to the healthy parent, because it's hard to see your you know, your spouse failing because of dementia progression. So no matter where you are in your life journey, you're a caregiver to, you know, both spouses. Sometimes it's more of an emotional or social caregiving, like
with my dad, doesn't need care. doesn't need help with going to the bathroom, but he needs like that socialization and he needs a confidant to talk through about how his wife, my mom, progressed so quickly with her dementia. And then when she passed away, you know, she was served the wrong diet in the memory care unit and she choked to death. And so that wasn't obviously planned, you know? And so, you know, so you end up being...
Annalee Kruger (32:53.686)
a caregiver all across the board to your family. And that is, you know, that's another kind of emotional weight of being a caregiver. So it can be easy to let your, it happens kind of quickly and unknown sometimes about how, because life gets so chaotic so quickly that you don't have time to just step back and be like, okay, now what do I need to do for me?
you don't have those conversations in your head because you're like, you're just in fire mode.
Yeah. Let's talk about some of that guilt, that guilt that you just talked about there, the guilt, the shame. You know, it's you have that whole good daughter, good son script that may run through somebody's head, the caregiver's head. But I would love to just have you talk on how does the daughter, the son, the caregiver, whoever you're caring for, how do they step back a moment and say,
All right, I need to set this boundary. need to do this. need to get, because I want to be the daughter, the son, the mother, the granddaughter, whoever, right? And I want to cherish this time that they're still there rather than just running around like I have a fire hose in my hand trying to put all the fires out.
You have to be really intentional and disciplined to be able to just step back and say, okay, there's so much going on with your aging loved ones or with your care recipients. But again, that kind of goes back to what we talked about. You have to put your oxygen mask on first. And so many caregivers, and I'll admit, myself included, we don't think about ourselves. A lot of us are natural caregivers, right?
Annalee Kruger (34:47.458)
You know, some of us, like those of us in healthcare, we went into that because we like making life better for someone else. You know, I didn't go into engineering, like I don't have a head for that. I went into social work and long-term care and helping families and then starting my own consultancy. So it's, I feel like it's just, it happens so quickly that you have to be intentional to say, you know what, I am having an anxiety. I never had anxiety attacks before.
And then I did, and then I was like, oh my gosh, this must be like an anxiety attack. And it's scary because you're like, oh my gosh, what is happening? Your chest is like pounded, like in the old cartoons, where the chest is like, and I'm just like, oh my God, what is happening here? And so listen to, I think one of the things that I know I've been guilty of a thousand times over, so do what I say, not as I do, is not listening to my body.
when your chest is pounding and you're having shortness of breath or you can't sleep or you wake up in the middle of the night and you're like gasping because you're like, oh my gosh, is mom okay? So one of the things I remedied for that, because I didn't trust the caregivers in the facility, I couldn't trust the caregivers in the facility. So the remedy was to put a camera in her unit and I finally got the authorization to do that.
And that made it so much easier. Cause then I just had like mom TV, right? Like I had her up on my notebook. So like at night I could hear if she was calling out for help. Cause in memory care units, don't, you know, they can't use a call button cause they don't, they don't usually know they can't process that to be like, Oh, I need help. And a lot of memory care units don't even have a call button. So I was her call button. So she'd call out for help in the middle of the night cause she needed to go to the bathroom. No one's, no one's there to listen. And you know, cause
they have their doors shut and the staff are who knows where. So I'd have to call the facility at two in the morning or three in the morning, right? To be like, hey, my mom is in room, whatever. She needs help to go to the bathroom and then, you know, so you have to be intentional. It's hard to set boundaries because you're also very concerned because you know that your loved one is a vulnerable adult and truly at the mercy of these healthcare workers. Some who are fantastic and some who are not.
Annalee Kruger (37:03.672)
So you have to be intentional, listen to your body, at your body. If you're starting to gain weight, if you're not eating healthy, if your skin isn't good like it usually is, that's your body telling you that something's not right. And if you don't listen to it, you will likely have a major health event. A lot of our clients come to us because the primary caregiver
had a heart attack, had a stroke, died, got cancer. You can only handle so much stress. Or maybe they have MS or Parkinson's disease or ALS, and they're also trying to take care of an aging parent or a loved one. And that exasperates their condition as well. So these are the situations that families find themselves in all of the time. that's...
That's why we help support them and educate them and put that plan in place.
pause for your gut because hey it's the holidays. If you're anything like me this time of year means that your routine probably is gonna go out the window. You're gonna have more sugar, more snacks, more sure I'll have another one of those and a whole lot more stress on your system in general. One thing I refuse to leave behind when life gets busy is my gut support. For me that's just Thrive Probiotics.
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Tansy Rodgers (38:59.818)
If you want backup for your gut heading into the holidays, check out Just Thrive using the link in the show notes. And if you click on that link and use code TANZY15 at checkout, you're gonna get 15 % off your entire order. They have an incredible lineup of so many different products that are incredibly supportive for your gut and for your overall health and vitality. So again, head down to the show notes, click the link.
and use code TANZY15 to get 15 % off your entire order. Here's to a happy gut this holiday season. Yeah, and there's so many potentials, possibilities of what the caregiver may encounter, what kind of conditions they may be working with, that I would love, and especially since it's a party or specialty, would love to dive into dementia. This is...
This is my heart. My grandma had dementia and I will tell you watching her, it was almost like she was reverting back to a child. There was so much innocence, so much childlike response and behaviors. And I will say, because her and I were extremely close,
my whole life. So I knew her and I'm very empathic. So I could really feel into that and I knew what she needed without her even saying things. I would love though to talk about the process of caring for a dementia, an aging dementia, family member, loved one, but also maybe what does the family not understand about this and how can the family really just keep that dignity intact?
Oh my gosh, those are two very good questions that will probably take the remainder of the podcast. There's so much to know and talk through and think about through this. So in my experience, I have yet to work, and I've worked with over 20,000 families in my career, and I have yet to work with a family who understands dementia. Why is that? It's of multiple reasons. Number one in healthcare, shame on healthcare, for saying,
Annalee Kruger (41:17.698)
family A, your mom has Lewy body disease or mild cognitive impairment. And it's like, okay, good luck to you. And you're like, okay, what does this mean? know, just before this podcast, I was on a zoom with a family and they're like, you know, dad got diagnosed with Parkinson's seven years ago. We just didn't really know what that means, but God, he's falling all the time now and he's taking care of mom with dementia. And we're like, what do do? You know, they're in crisis mode. so, so one thing I see is shame on the healthcare industry for not,
better supporting these families. That's why I started my company in the first place, because these families are falling through the cracks every single day from our broken healthcare model. so families don't understand the disease in which they're taking care of. They don't understand what Parkinson's is. They don't understand what dementia is, what kind of dementia. They don't understand. And even though there's a bazillion free resources out there, like the Alzheimer's Association, the Parkinson's Association, there's tons of free information.
people don't, they don't leverage it, right? And so when they come to us, that's why so much of what we do is educate them so that they can now make informed decisions about we need to bring in care, how much is care gonna cost? Is it even safe and feasible for mom to stay at home? What about long-term care communities, that type of thing. And so not understanding the disease that they're taking care of or that their loved one has, being in denial is huge.
Well, dad's doing okay, he only wandered out that one time. Well, the one time that you know about, right? Or if they're wandering out, they're not taking their medications, they've lost that capacity to properly take their medications. So they're probably either skipping their meds or they're double or tripling up on their medications. They're probably not eating healthy meals. They're probably eating chips and pop tarts, whatever it is that they don't have to cook because it's just easy to open.
And that's not healthy either, because I do that and look at this. And so, you know, just not understanding that as the disease progresses and that brain is shrinking, that their mood, behavior, personality, communication ability is going to be altered. And so not understanding sundowning, you know, why does dad get more confused in the afternoon and agitated and paranoid and he doesn't recognize me? Well, that's sundowning, you know, so just not understanding all of that.
Annalee Kruger (43:41.14)
And then like I said, denial, you maybe one adult kid is like, Hey, you know, something's not right with mom. She doesn't remember who I am all the time, or she's got her timetable mixed up, you know, or she thinks it's 22,000, you know, the year 2000 and she's like missing her doctor's appointments and like her house is a mess and she has all these post-it note reminders. Like the clues are always there, but families don't know to look for them. So that's, that's another thing. And since we're on that.
one indicator that your loved one is failing at home. I'm gonna go actually go through a list. A, weight loss. What are they actually eating? Can they use their microwave or are they eating frozen pizza because they don't know how to use their microwave or their oven? So weight loss, if their clothes aren't fitting, there's a reason behind that, right? And if they're full of bruises, like look.
look at their arms and legs, do they have bruises that tells you that they might be falling more than what you realize, or if they have someone coming in to take care of them that maybe they're abusing them. So, you know, when we're talking about dementia, as that disease progresses, they cannot articulate what's happening, you have to be the one to like anticipate and perceive what's happening and do the guesswork and be that Sherlock Holmes. And so you have to be their advocate as that disease progresses.
And other things, know, their mail, is their mail piled up? A lot of clients come to us because they're like, we only see mom and dad once a year at Christmas. And, you know, last year, everything seemed fine, but this year dad's lost 20 pounds. They had six months of mail piled up and we started looking through that and they haven't been paying their bills and what do we do? You know, so the signs are always there. If you have Ethel and Marvin as parents,
and Marvin is a caregiver to Ethel, so your dad is a caregiver to your mom. Look to see how is he holding up? The signs of caregiver burnout are definitely visible. Are they getting to their own doctor's appointments? Are they missing their own surgeries? Because they're delaying surgeries because they're like, I can't have rotator cuff surgery and be laid up for three months because who's going to take care of your mom, right? And so what kind of, is there weight loss? Is there memory issues with
Annalee Kruger (46:03.096)
typically the healthy spouse, because they can't get away from the house because they know that they can't leave their loved one home by themselves. And so now the healthy spouse starts showing some memory impairment because they're isolated and not having intellectual stimulation as a conversation because mom's dementia has progressed to the point where she's not engaging very much. So all of those are indicators that they're not thriving at home. Obviously, if they get scammed, which any of us can get scammed because those people are like,
I don't know why they can't use that skill set for good, but checking their accounts, making sure that you're on the account if you're the financial power of attorney and having all those documents in order so that as your loved one loses capacity, you can step in as that decision maker and know which bills come out of which account, who's the financial advisor, what bank do they use. Having all that stuff pre-planned and be prepared for is really important.
And so those are indications that they're not thriving at home. Lots of hospitalizations or ER visits or urinary, you're drinking, so that's good. Urinary tract infections, let's talk about that real quick, because people don't understand the symptoms of those. And untreated urinary tract infections can actually be fatal. They can die from an untreated urinary tract infection. signs of a urinary tract infection, and elderly women, don't typically have
always the burning of the urine like our age, like our younger age, we would know because it hurts when we go to the bathroom, but they'll have the frequency, the urine odor. But with elderly people, you have to look at their behavior and if they're more lethargic or if they start falling, if they have a couple falls in a week, that's usually a good sign that they have a urinary tract infection brewing and that they need to get treated. They need to have a urine analysis done and
get that over to the lab and to the doctor to get started on an antibiotic because they can go septic and die. Other indications, maybe they're much more lethargic where they're just laying on the couch or laying in bed. They don't have any energy. Or conversely, they're even more restless and pacing and wandering and more agitated because they know that they don't feel well, but they can't say, honey, I think I have a urinary tract infection, right? So you have to again anticipate like,
Annalee Kruger (48:25.75)
Why is their behavior different? are they more agitated? Why is dad suddenly paranoid when he's not normally paranoid? So when there's a sudden onset, it's a sudden onset of changes like that. It's usually a urinary tract infection and usually also dehydration.
Wow, wow. Yeah, you've mentioned now twice in the beginning, you said about the grab and go, and then you talked here about paperwork and making sure everything was pulled together because it makes it so much easier. One thing that I found is that miscommunication, excuse me, that miscommunication, especially when it came to care and the clarity and knowing what I needed to know whenever I was asked those questions.
Right. So I want to talk about this grab and go that you had already mentioned. What exactly is that and what do you recommend to be in that grab and go folder?
The reason I created the Grab and Go in 2011 is because I think the background story will help your listeners understand like putting all the pieces of the puzzle together here. So before I started CareRight in 2011, I worked as a social worker, admissions director, and executive, eventually executive director in CCRCs, Continuing Care Retirement Communities that have all of the different levels of care. Every single day,
I had adult kids in my office because mom fell, she broke her hip, she's a caregiver to dad with dementia. So mom's in the hospital, kids get thrust into taking care of dad because they're like, we didn't realize he was so confused because mom didn't really share that with us. But now that mom's not in the picture because she's in the hospital, the kids are like, their eyes are like this because they're like, you know, we're staying with dad and he's got his days and nights mixed up and he's constantly asking where mom is. And so they got a kind of a rude awakening on.
Annalee Kruger (50:21.838)
how dementia dad really is. And so when the hospital says, know, here's a list of facilities, go find one by noon tomorrow because we're gonna discharge your mom. The kids are like, she just got there. She's only been there three days or she just had hip surgery. Well, yeah, you're not in the hospital long-term. It's like, get them in, get them out, right? And so the kids would come in, they've got their poor dad who's got dementia and he's just like looking around like, but what is going on?
and their mom's in the hospital and the kids are like, hey, the hospital told us we have to find a facility because they're discharging mom. And so they had no idea what questions to ask, what to look for, just stepping into the care community. They were like shell shocked because unless you hang out in a nursing home or memory care unit or long-term care, it's a different environment that most people are very intimidated by. It's hard.
And no one ever wants to put their loved one in a care facility. And now they're being forced to because mom needs rehab. And so the tours would take a couple of hours because we got to tour the memory care for dad and the rehab for mom. so they got to look at the whole campus. They had no idea what questions to ask, what to look for. They didn't understand dementia. They didn't understand Medicare and Medicaid and who's going to pay for all this care because now they have two parents that need care. And so then when I would ask them, do you
Are you the power of attorney? Do your parents have long-term care insurance? Is your dad a veteran? What is their end of life wishes? Do they want to be resuscitated or do not resuscitate? And the kids were like, my God, we've never talked about anything like this. We don't talk about stuff like this. So they had no idea. But then there were this little teeny tiny 1 % of adult kids who would say, know, Annali, I tried to get this information from mom and dad, but they gave us so much pushback that we quit trying.
And so in 2011 when I left corporate America, because I'm like, I think I have a business model here. Families don't understand aging. They don't understand family caregiver burnout. They certainly don't understand dementia progression. They certainly don't understand assisted living and memory care and nursing home and how to navigate all of that, let alone the actual cost of it. And they certainly don't understand like
Annalee Kruger (52:35.224)
how to be a bold advocate and they don't understand the actual dying process and grief and living beyond the grief. And so that's where I started my company. So the grab and go, I continually build that out because I'm like, wow, kids had no idea what their parents have for insurance. So there's 12 tabs or there's, it used to be a binder like back in the day, but after the pandemic, I just switched it all to just like one long checklist and they can get that on my carerightinc.com website.
but there's 12 sections. So there's the emergency section. Cause the other thing is adult kids have no idea who their parents are, the specialty physicians, unless they already are going to these appointments and they do. But in the beginning, you don't know who your parents see for special, who's the cardiologist? I don't know. I didn't even know dad had one, you know? And so like who, who are all of the, who are all the providers, you know, the medical, but also the financial advisor, who's the CPA, who's, who's, who's all on the team. Another section is,
all things insurance, health insurance, car insurance, boat insurance, renter's insurance, all things insurance. There's legal documents, so living will, power of attorney. And as you compile all of this data to put in your folder or your online binder, if you will, then it's like, that's right. I wanted to make sure that I got long-term care insurance. So it kind of reminds people to like get their own stuff done, right? But it also makes sure that you double check to make sure the beneficiary forms are taken care of, that
the power of attorney documents were actually signed, because some of them they weren't signed. And so they don't actually have these documents in order because maybe dad fell again and was back in the hospital. So never made it back to the attorney's office to sign them. So he's just sitting here with documents that aren't signed. Right. And so.
And there's a business succession plan in there. Cause again, like when I got hit by the school bus, if I, if my siblings didn't know like who my corporate advisor is, all the accounts, passwords for me to run my business and have like my employee roster, you know, they would have been lost on what to do. There's a pet section. Like, what do you, what do you do with your dog or your cat or your pet? If you have to give it up or you go into hospice or you can't bring it with you into the care community or you're too sick to take care of it.
Annalee Kruger (54:50.126)
There's accounts and passwords, everything. What's your Facebook login? What bills come out of which account? So it's really to get everybody organized in the whole family. There's a special needs section. So if you have a special needs loved one, what are their behaviors? What medications are they on? Who are their specialists? So that piece of what we do is really robust as well. And families can just get that. Like I said, it's 39, I think it's like 39 bucks on the
care right think website. So sometimes families will just start with that and you're like, Oh my God, this is overwhelming. It's a lot to have to put your funeral like it's a lot to have to put together. But I'll say, well, what pace do you want to get this done? And what sections do you want to start with? You know, so that's part of that's part of an aging plan that we do with families.
Annali, I wish that I knew about that.
Everybody says that. You know what? Families, adult kids, because you do, you get that phone call that dad had a stroke. If you again live in New York and mom and dad live in Tucson, Arizona and you're like, gosh, I don't know who their doctors are. I don't know what they're, I don't know if they're on my chart. I don't know what medications dad takes. I don't know if I'm the power of attorney. So you can see like when that crisis call comes.
And then if you have, if dad had a major stroke and he's, he's lost capacity and now you're, someone's got to make sure that the mortgage gets paid and all this other stuff. Cause some of these elderly folks, they don't have stuff on autopay. They're still paying by check. And so like what, what bank accounts come out of, like what bills come out of what account you're like, so families need training on all of this so that when they do have to step in or if they do have to step in, it's like muscle memory. And they're like, okay, this
Annalee Kruger (56:36.012)
This whole situation is just really icky, but at least I'm prepared and we know we can carry on with what we have to so that dad can focus on recovery and not be like, my gosh, here's the checkbook. Kids don't even know where the checkbook is because they're like, why aren't you paying online? And I'm like, because that generation, a lot of them did.
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Tansy Rodgers (58:10.96)
Yeah, yeah, wow. Well, okay, so what if aging, aging at home is the goal?
not necessarily going into a facility, actually aging at home. Let's talk about that because one of the things that I noticed, now, I was very fortunate in my role as how I provided care that I didn't have to worry about the financials so much because I wasn't the power of attorney, but I did see that based off of who was moving and working with those numbers. And so I would love to talk about
What does that look like? What are some of the hidden costs? Because so I know at least with my grandparents, they wanted to stay at home. They didn't want to go into a facility. My pop was back and forth, but ultimately he didn't want to go somewhere. Right. And I think that there's a lot of families that really try to keep the parents at home. What are some of the hidden costs that families miss? And also, Annalee, how do they build a budget so that they don't get locked
out of the chance of getting into a quality facility because that's huge.
That's why we do aging planning because families don't know how to navigate any of this. So many of them just assume that first of all, they don't know the difference between Medicare and Medicaid. So they don't know the lingo. And so you can't expect families if they don't know the lingo to make informed decisions. So families are like, well, I thought I hear this literally every day. I thought Medicare paid for all of this care that mom would need at home. I'm like, no, it does not. when we are
Annalee Kruger (59:53.858)
consulting and guiding families, all of our clients are like, wanna, you know, when I ask mom and dad, cause my client's the whole family. So when I ask mom and dad, cause everybody's on Zoom, like what are your goals as you age? It's always the same two things. I wanna age in place at home and I don't wanna be a burden on my kids. But guess who has reached out to me care, right? For a consult.
It's the kids because the kids are basically their parents assisted living. They're leaving work. They're coordinating doctor's appointments. They're getting them to their doctor's appointments. They're sending meals. They're taking dad to the showering dad on Saturdays when they can take off work. And so when we talk about aging in place at home, we talk about the good, the bad and the ugly.
First of all, course, everybody wants to age in place at home. You're in your own environment, your pictures, your own stuff, your own routine. That's beautiful and romantic. However, when the time comes that you need care, this is what families don't understand, and this is what we talk about with them when we're doing consulting with them, is they don't understand the actual cost of care.
And they don't understand why many times it's just not safe or feasible or viable to be able to stay at home. So let's unpack that first. So here are examples of where parents, they get to be uncooperative sometimes. So the adult kids will be like, mom, I can't keep taking time off work or I'm trying to go on vacation. I haven't had one for four years because you keep falling. By the time families come to me, they are not.
They are not getting along and they're like, mom, I haven't had a vacation in four years and I deserve one and all this kind of stuff. And so I want to get home care in there for you, mom. So the daughter goes to all this work, interviewing all these different home care companies, getting it all lined up. then mom, what does she do? I don't need a baby. This is what they say. I don't need a babysitter. And so everything that this daughter just spent like oodles of time putting in place, because she's trying to do the right thing.
Annalee Kruger (01:01:55.264)
Mom fires the worker as soon as the worker knocks on the door and like, hey, I'm Sally. I'm here to spend the day with you. And won't that be fun? And she's like, no, get away. And so what do they do? They have to go away. They've been fired. so those are some real life situations that actually happen. And I'm sure anybody listening to this is like, my god, she's totally talking about what happened to me because it's so prevalent.
And me. Yeah. Yeah. Over and over and over again.
Yeah. And so what do think that does to the relationship? Any relationship wedge that's already there because they're burned out and they're like, oh my God, if I have to miss one more important meeting or if I can't take this job promotion that I've worked my entire career to have, but I can't take it because I have to keep flying back and forth because that's the nature of the families these days. Like they don't live down the street usually from each other like they used to. That's why I went virtual right away in 2011. And so things that
prevent seniors from being able to stay at home is their own mindset about it, not meaning a babysitter. Well, it's not a babysitter. So we have a whole process of like how to get mom on board with having a companion or an assistant with them. Assistant is a much better word. And so the other thing families don't think about is
What is the plan if, say mom and dad can't afford the 30,000 bucks a month for one companion to be there 24 seven, say they can't afford that because they're multimillionaires or they have a really solid Cadillac long-term care insurance plan. So maybe they do have more opportunity financially to be able to stay at home, which is fantastic. But that doesn't, like you can't always throw money in a problem, right? Because if, what families don't realize is,
Annalee Kruger (01:03:45.068)
that we just have a massive shortage of healthcare workers. The pandemic really put healthcare on our knees. We lost a lot of really good quality healthcare workers because they got burned out. so there's home care companies, that's why we do this Care Matrix project for our families, because families don't realize that a lot of these home care companies, their requirements are a four hour shift minimum, or some of them depending on where they are in the world, because in the rural areas,
they might have an eight or 10 or 12 hour shift minimum. Well, at 30, 40 bucks an hour, a lot of people don't want to pay for that. Cause they're like, my God, what do mean? have to commit to 10 hours. Mom doesn't need 10 hours. Well, if you want us to staff it, we're going to have to do it because that's, that's otherwise they can't staff it. And then what's the plan? If so great, you got this whole care team. They're all lined up, but then Sally, as you Sally. So what if Sally doesn't show up for her shift?
or what if the baby came early and now she's on an early maternity leave and that's the caregiver that mom loves. And don't send anyone else out until Sally comes back with the baby, right? So these are all things that happen that prevent people to be able to age in place at home. We can just even take my own parents as an example. So my dad is six foot four and he's 220 pounds. When he had his stroke, thankfully I was with him so he got help very fast.
However, if he wouldn't have, and he had like all this like weakness and left-sided weakness or garbled speech or, know, tipsy-turvy and mobility issues, he would have needed two caregivers. Because again, what families don't think about is, because they'll say, Annalee, could mom and dad possibly have an 80 to $120,000 per month caregiver bill? Well, this is how.
Because with my own parents, when dad had his stroke, if he would have needed two people, because these are not football linebackers, these caregivers, they're not. For their safety and the client's safety, they'll say, well, yeah, we can take care of your parent, but we have to send two people. Because if he needs two people to transfer to the shower or to the bathroom, they don't want their staff to get hurt. And I don't want my dad to get hurt. But my mom was morbidly obese.
Annalee Kruger (01:06:02.066)
And her dementia progressed so quickly when she fell that she was starting, she had her days and nights mixed up. She was wandering, she was trying to get out, you know, and she was very much, it sounds like your grandma, she became very childlike in such a sweet, my God, such a sweet way. It was so adorable. She is so adorable. She's like, honey, I love you. I mean, she's just, she was.
Thankfully, that's how her disease progressed and not like this paranoid mean, you're trying to murder me, that kind of disease progression. Thank God we were blessed that with her disease progression, it just made her even more sweet than she already was. And so, but because of her wandering and dad needing, we would have had to have at least three caregivers and that's how it racks up very quickly. Now, if you're a multimillionaire, that's great. You can afford that for a period of time.
But here's the next tier down that people don't think about is, you know, then what if that caregiver doesn't show up for their shift or they quit because the other home care company a mile down the road offers 10 cents more an hour. So that's what they're going to do. Or what if, what if your parents have very high expectations, right? Some parents have such high expectations and some of these.
Some of these companions, don't know how to cook. They're young people. They don't know how to cook. They don't iron. They don't mop. They don't do any of that stuff. They don't know any of these kinds of life skills. They don't know to shut off the water valve of the toilet if mom who has dementia puts her pads down the bat, you know, and then water's everywhere. And the companions are like, we don't know what to do. So we'll just leave it run, you know? And so, cause that's what happens. And so, so there's all that kind of annoying things that happen. And so,
Sometimes families will try to go on different online platforms to try to find their own care instead of like using a home care company. And then they realize, I didn't think about I should probably do a criminal background check or I should do a drug screen or I should make sure they have a valid driver's license or I didn't realize that we should have raised, you know, made sure that we had the utmost umbrella insurance policy for the house. Cause now that caregiver that they hired off of some sort of
Annalee Kruger (01:08:15.768)
platform, who's not even a caregiver, but they needed a job. So they're like, I can take care of people. How hard can that be? Well, it's hard. What if they're not trained for dementia or your loved one has severe edema and has to have their legs wrapped and all that kind of stuff, or that caregiver falls?
you know, trips and now has a broken ankle. And so now they're coming after you because you put yourself in that employer employee relationship. And now they're coming after you and your insurance for all those medical bills. you know, so, so there's all these things that families do because they don't know what they don't know. And they don't realize. And that's why when we work with families and I'm doing their family meeting,
we do this care matrix since like here are what the care options are available in your area. Here's how much they cost and the families are always shocked. And so is their financial advisor, because advisors are the ones that also need this type of information so they can put together an actual financial plan that properly addresses the actual cost of care. And so then we can say, okay, well, now that you know that home care.
just for companions could be 30 grand a month, but now you also need a geriatric care manager, because you need someone to coordinate medications, manage medications, check blood sugar, all that kind of stuff. That's usually another 125 to 300 an hour plus travel. So there's all these, when you ask about all these kinds of hidden costs, they're not hidden, they're just costs that families don't think about, because they don't know what they don't know. And so...
So, and then it's like, okay, well, mom doesn't like the boxed meals that we have sent from Amazon food or whatever. And so, you know, then you need to have a dietician come in or a chef come in and, you know, prepare real food. And so that's another cost. And, and so, mom doesn't drive anymore. So yeah, we have the companions that can drive, but mom is used to a high, high lifestyle. So she wants a driver, you know, so there's all these.
Annalee Kruger (01:10:14.99)
all these nuances that come into play, but we also need to be realistic and say, know, is it really healthy that your parent only has one or two or three or four different people that they get to see every day versus maybe an adult daycare program for mom who has dementia where she can go, she can put puzzles together during the day, listen to music, she'll be around other people like her.
That's usually about $100 a day, depending on where people live, you get more bang for your buck, so to speak, because home care is like $30 to $40 an hour, so you can do the math. And so this is all these financial conversations that we have, the financial costs of care that we have, so that families can make informed decisions. Then we look at care facility costs and what levels of care and which facilities have been cited for abuse and neglect, which is most of them, especially since the pandemic and...
Well, mom needs memory care and dad needs assisted living and adult kids make, so that's why I started my company. Cause these kids were literally blind, blindly and randomly touring all these different care facilities to waste two or three days of vacation days. Cause they're like, well, we didn't even think about, know, dad needs one care level. Mom needs another one. And none of these facilities have two openings or they have a seven year waiting list, or we didn't realize that they had to have five years of net worth.
to be able to financially afford to get into there because now they don't pass, they don't pass the pre-examination for the pre-assessment for finances. So there's all these nuances or there's certain diagnoses. We have a family, same diagnosis my mom had, mild cognitive impairment where this particular family lives. Of the six facilities in the area where the daughter lives, four of them don't.
They don't admit people with mild cognitive impairment. So there's certain diagnoses. Parkinson's is one of them. There's certain facilities that they don't admit you if you have certain criteria. So you have to pass, like you have to pass their pre-admission assessment and families don't think about that either. Or what if you live in Northern Wisconsin where it's a lot of like Indian reservation, there's not home care like on every corner. It's not like CVS is available. So maybe your parent lives in a rural area where
Annalee Kruger (01:12:35.246)
It's a rude awakening when they have that stroke and you're like, my gosh, there's no care or the one home care company can't take on any more clients because they don't have enough staff. So now mom and dad are on a waiting list. So then guess where they go. They move in with their kids. And do you think that works? Not great. Maybe your house isn't senior safe. You didn't solve for all the problems. Now you just moved a situation into your house where it's like.
Now your kids are little and they're like, hey, grandpa keeps yelling at me every time I run through the house. Parents raise their kids differently than two generations ago. Or maybe you're now having to miss work because you didn't realize mom fell all the time or that she's incontinent or that she does need help with medication management or that she does need help with going to get showered. And so now you're like, oh my gosh, I moved them in and what am I going to do? I'm in over my head.
This is why we do family consulting and aging planning so families can think about all these things in an informed, educated way and make decisions from there.
That was so beautiful, so beautifully comprehensive because these, again, these are things that I think that most people just don't think about. It's so easy to get into that thought process of, they have insurance, they're gonna be fine, right? And so I guess really just to kind of finish off or put that little cherry on the top of that part of the conversation is let's talk about Medicare and Medicaid. Let's talk about,
What do you find are some of the top three, maybe three or so, assumptions that families think Medicare, Medicaid are going to take care of when in reality it's not true?
Annalee Kruger (01:14:25.998)
There's like 7,000 of those. So you didn't schedule a 17 day long podcast. So that's cool. So first of all, they think they'll say Medicare and Medicaid interchangeably as if it's the same thing. Like earlier today, I was on a call with a healthcare worker who's like, yeah, we have a client who needs Medicare, home care. And I'm like, okay, that's like, no, you mean Medicaid. And he's like, oh yeah, whatever. And I'm like, oh my gosh, how are you directing these families if you don't even know the difference between the two?
Sometimes families will say, like, Annali, we don't need an aging plan because our plan is just going to be, you know, put mom on Medicaid. So this is what happens when you do that. First of all, and I am not a Medicaid expert, right, because my clients are like they have much more means than that. But but not all of our clients do. So first of all, families think that Medicaid or Medicare, because they think it's the same program, will pay for whatever care their parents need. And so it's a rude awakening when they're like, no, this is all out of pocket.
or long-term care insurance, or if your dad's a, you know, if he's a veteran, they may pay if they have aid and attendance and they qualify for all of that. So families don't realize that there's a five-year look back. And so when they're like, hey, we're just gonna spend down mom and dad's money and they're just, you know, we're just gonna cut checks to us kids so that we can get mom and mom or dad to qualify for Medicaid. Medicaid will come back after you when you fill out that application, because they're like, well, where'd all this?
where the $600,000 go or $50,000 go and you will have to pay that back. So don't spend it. If you do that, don't spend it. And so they don't realize there's a five year look back. you have to do, that's why I can't stress this enough. Like we have to plan because families don't plan and then they make horrible, horrible dumb mistakes because they don't know what they're doing. And so it's like, yes, you have to pay a professional to help you so that you can make informed decisions. So there's one of those that there's a.
So that's one thing that they assume that Medicare or Medicaid are the same program and that they're going to pay for all care. They'll say, well, you know, mom needs assisted living. So find a Medicaid assisted living facility. Well, not all Medicare, very few Medicaid, very few assisted living centers or memory care communities contract with Medicaid nursing homes. Most nursing homes do, but a nursing home is a
Annalee Kruger (01:16:42.734)
totally different level of care than assisted living, right? Assisted living, you have your own apartment, you got your furniture in there. It's a really cool setup. You get three meals a day, you go down the dining room, it's a social and medical model. But in a nursing home, that is the highest level of care, the most expensive level of care, because there's RNs on all three shifts, there's dietician, it's 24-7 care. And so...
nursing homes contract, most nursing homes contract with Medicaid, but here's what families don't realize. Because they'll be like, well, we don't need a plan because we're just going to put mom and dad in a Medicaid home. They get that part right after I talk to them about it. But I'm like, OK, so what they don't realize is back in the day, because I've been in this industry for a long many decades, back in the day when I was running these care communities and nursing homes, it might be a hundred bed nursing home. Right. And so we didn't care. We didn't do
We didn't have people fill out financial applications. We're like, yeah, come one, come all, whatever. The money will just work itself out. Well, guess what? It did not. And so back in the day, if it was like 100 bed, just for easy math, because I'm a social worker, I'm not an actuary. If it was 100 bed facility, they were duly licensed for Medicare and Medicaid. So it didn't matter. Like we could take you. And so what happened though in senior care, because you do have to realize it's a business, we ended up
upside down on our payer source. So we have like 80 % of our residents on Medicaid and 20 % private pay. What families don't realize is facilities that have a Medicaid contract, they only get a flat Medicaid reimbursement rate. So even if your mom is on 20 different meds and she needs two or three people to help her because she's obese or she needs special equipment.
or she's demented and she's wandering all over, Medicaid doesn't care about that. They're like, no, you get 200 bucks a day, even though it might cost 500 a day in labor and resources to pay for that person. So these facilities were upside down. So what facilities have done, and this is important, so don't, all the listeners are like, okay, lady, just zip through this, but this is why it's important to give you a little bit of background, is so what happened is because so many facilities were upside down, you can't,
Annalee Kruger (01:18:58.082)
You can't operate a business if you're upside down. And so what they did was they're like, crud, we need to decertify some of these Medicaid beds. So if it's a hundred bed facility, they only may have eight or 10 beds earmarked for Medicaid. And so do you think that most people plan ahead for retirement financially? No. Do you think most, lot of people are living just on social security for whatever reason they thought that wasn't going to be enough to live on? Yes. And so they think that their social security is going to cover that.
And that's not how that works. And so when you realize your parents are not thriving at home and you're like, my gosh, what are we going to do? And now both parents, because they don't have money, they need to go on Medicaid. First of all, the county might be backed up 90 days. And if your parents need to go into a Medicaid nursing home, you adult kids might have to fork over whatever that facility requires for out of pocket private pay. A lot of nursing homes
They might have a three year, like you have to pay out of pocket. You have to be able to pay privately for three years before you can apply on Medicaid. Some of them have a six month window. Like that's why you have to plan ahead. And so what happens with our Medicaid folks is it's unlike, it's very rare that a Medicaid facility has two open beds. And if you have parents, they get separated and that's not usually what parents want. And so,
or the closest, the facility that had an opening for Medicaid is three hours away and you got your dad in this facility two hours away in the opposite direction. And now all you're doing as a family is back and forth, back and forth. And eventually you're like, I can't be there every day. And then that's when their care really starts to slip. So that's why you have to plan ahead. And assisted livings, like I said, you know, here in even the Southwest Florida area,
assisted livings are ending their Medicaid contracts because they're losing money. So you have to plan ahead financially for this time of life. Medicare, you know, everybody gets that when they're over age 62. So they get that. But there's a lot of assumption that when you leave the hospital, like you had a broken hip, a lot of people assume because they're like, well, I heard that Medicare will pay 100 days of rehab. Well, yeah, if you're a train wreck.
Annalee Kruger (01:21:19.456)
Right? But a broken hip, you know those words, because you come from the therapy department, you know how we talk. Yeah, if you have a feeding tube and a stage four skin ulcer, you're a wreck, right? Nobody wants to use their hundred days consecutively. That means you're in bad shape. You want to be the broken hip, where you're like, okay, yeah, I'm going to need therapy in a rehab center for two, four, six, eight weeks, whatever. And then you get to go back home or wherever home is for you.
Medicare will pay up to 20 days at 100 % and then days 21 through 100, whatever your copay is, if you have a secondary insurance. But families make the assumption that Medicare is gonna pay all of this care no matter when, no matter how much mom needs. And that's just simply not the case. And Medicare or insurance will only continue to pay for rehab facilities stay.
if your parent is making progress with their therapy goals, they're cooperative. So when the therapist comes and says, okay, Ethel, it's time for your hour long session. And Ethel's like, get out of here, I hurt too much. insurance isn't gonna be like, cool with that for very long. So like, we have to keep our loved ones motivated to do the therapy, even though it hurts and it's uncomfortable and it's gonna make you tired.
Otherwise, insurance is going to say, look, we're saving that bank of dollars for someone who wants to get better and who does have rehab potential. So there's all these, again, nuances that families don't think about because they don't know what they don't know. They're in uncharted territory.
Y'all, I'm gonna verify everything she's saying is so true. my gosh. I'm over here laughing because I'm laughing not because it's funny, but because it's sadly true. and yeah, yeah.
Annalee Kruger (01:23:17.454)
And so guess what kids end up doing or spouses when they have a loved one in the rehab unit. So now they're taking off even more time. They're burning through their PTO, their paid time off and their FMLA. So their Family Medical Leave Act. And that's for those that actually qualify for it. And so because now they're educated that, okay, mom has to do her therapy. Otherwise she's gonna end up staying in a nursing home and she doesn't want that either, but she doesn't wanna do therapy.
So guess what, the adult kids or the spouses, they're like, okay, so I need to be in the facility for morning so I can be there to make sure mom does her PT and then I have to be back at three o'clock for mom's occupational therapy and she's got speech therapy too, so I have to be there over the noon hour to make sure that I know what they're doing with her. And so that puts even more, talk about emotional, financial and relationship strain on being a family caregiver, cause you're like,
Gosh, I'm so that's why you say even with your loved one in a care community, the caregiving doesn't stop. You're just doing caregiving differently now because now you have to oversee the staff. You have to keep your loved one motivated. If your loved one is safe as you can, but it's not on you if you're, know, you can only do so much. So.
Yeah, and elite. Let's talk about your book the invisible patient because that I'm so glad you went into the depth of the financial end of it because that's huge. It's huge and put so much burden mentally emotionally and financially on the caregivers themselves. Sometimes I want to go into your book and I want to talk just a little bit about what your book is how it helps to support the caregiver, but also
What are some of your favorite sections in that book that really helped to support the caregiver on a deep level?
Annalee Kruger (01:25:09.12)
Yeah, so this is kind of ha ha funny. So my editor, she's like, Annali, 90 pages, that's it, no more, no less. I'm like, are you joking? Like, are you on crack? Like, there's so much to have to write. And so because I like to educate people so that they can make smart decisions. So the book, just so that if people do buy it on Amazon or if they go to the invisiblepatientbook.com to purchase it, it is jam packed.
I don't know if most of your viewers are like just listening or watching it, but like it's jam packed with like checklists. Like this is how you facilitate a family meeting. This is what family care, like there's no fluff in this book. It is like a hundred and some pages of like down and dirty, everything you need to know. Parts of the grab and go binder, the checklist for the grab, some of the checklist of the grab and go binder is in here. What does it look like to be a burned out family caregiver? The emotional, physical, financial relationship toll on family caregiver.
What is dementia? What's Parkinson's? How do I preserve my family? How do I preserve mom and dad's dignity as they age? How do we not fight with mom when she tells us that it's 1970 when it's 2025? So it is literally jam packed. It's got checklists, it's got bullet points, it's got scripts. mean, it is like a resource guide because again, I've had thousands of adult kids say, look, I love mom and dad.
But like I'm in over my head. I really wish there was like a manual for what to do with mom and dad. So I wrote one and I wrote my, you know, I wrote it in big font because I also know my audience. So a lot of caregivers are, you know, up in years or like me have glasses. And so this way they don't have to squint. So it's like 14 fonts. So that makes it longer. And that's what was my justification with my editor for why it's so much longer than what she wanted.
But it is jam packed and everybody that's read it is like, Anna Lee, this was such a game changer for me and my family. And it's a prompt question. Cause a lot of kids will say, Anna Lee, I love your podcasts. I love everything you say, or when they Google me or they read the book and they're like, but how do I get mom and dad on board with this? You leverage the book and say, mom and dad, I read this book or leverage this podcast that we're doing and say, I read this book.
Annalee Kruger (01:27:28.418)
You know, and it really made me aware that we don't really have a plan in place. We haven't really talked about the what, whens of aging. And I'd like to start those conversations now. So there's a whole section of how to start these, these uncomfortable conversations. If you're just listening to the podcast and you don't get the book, that's cool. Just leverage the podcast and say, you know, I learned a few things on this. Hopefully you're learning a few things on this podcast, but
tips for families to say, look, I totally see the value of putting an aging plan in place, but how do I get mom and dad on board with this? Because mom and dad think everything's fine, but it's to the detriment of the adult kids, right? Or the primary caregiver who's maybe still working and is thinking about having to take early retirement because Frank had a stroke and she's like, I have to still work, but I have rheumatoid arthritis. How am I supposed to take care of Frank? He's bigger than me and last weekend we fell down, right?
And so no matter where you are in this aging and caregiving journey, this is what you can say. If it's your mom and dad, mom and dad, speak from the heart. That's just always the best way, right? Speak from the heart, not out of anger, like when you had to take off work again, or you missed your flight because dad had a stroke. So don't do all this in a voice of anger or a place of anger. Say, mom and dad, I love you.
But we are in uncharted territory. I listened to this podcast and there were so, there was so much information that I just, we just, don't know. Cause we're in uncharted territory. I don't know what I don't know. I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy. And I want you to have a good quality of life. But what we're doing is not safe and it's not sustainable. I can't keep taking time off work or my husband is no longer supportive of me shelling out $2,000 and just airfare and time away from our own family. So speak from the heart.
And you can always ask also, mom or dad, or whoever it is you're taking care of, is it important for you to have a say in what happens to you as you age? Who's gonna say no to that? Is it important for you to have as much dignity and independence as much as possible as you age? Who's gonna say no to that? And so because that's your goal and that's my goal for you too, because I love you so much,
Annalee Kruger (01:29:43.33)
We really need to be putting a plan in place and understand what care options are available. How much is it gonna cost? What do you have for money? Who's your funding? know, start these conversations. That said, most families when they do try to have these conversations, cause they don't know what they don't know, the conversations can go sideways. And so know that I'm available. This is what we do. We facilitate family meetings.
so that you can make these informed decisions and have a meeting. That's what I do. 85 % of my week is spent doing family mediation because they're scared. They're overwhelmed. There's usually a crisis involved. Dad had a stroke. He's a caregiver to mom with dementia. What do we do? So, so, but you can broach these topics, leverage the webinar or the podcast leverage. If you do buy the book, leverage that and say, we really need it. We really need to have a family talk.
And if you decide that you would want to move forward and schedule a consult, I offer a free 30 minute consult. We help families wherever they live in the world and wherever they are in their journey, their care decision journey.
Thank you for putting that book together. Thank you for the services that you're doing. I think just because I had those shoes on for so long, I know how valuable that is and how needed it is, which is why I wanted to have this podcast episode because I wanted people to understand that there is help out there. You just need to know where to look. So thank you. It's amazing.
Thank you. I appreciate that. And that's something I hear literally every day is they're like, thank God for you. We didn't know someone out there was like you. so you do, I just want to do say this. you have to really, like, I even hate to say this, but it's so true. But if you don't want to work with me for whatever reason, that's cool, that's fine. But if you're going to try to find someone who...
Annalee Kruger (01:31:46.572)
does something like this planning for you and families across the country, here are things that you're going to want to ask. And this is why I say this, because there are a lot of people out there who don't know what they're doing. They don't understand dementia consultants. They're like now all these senior experts, right? Or a senior consultant, but they don't even know dementia. They've never worked in senior care. They've never been a caregiver. They don't understand.
any of these nuances, they're not a family meeting facilitator. So if you're going to go out there and start interviewing people, ask them, when you interview, what is your actual experience? How can you help me? What do you charge and how do you get paid? And walk them through what your situation is and if you feel comfortable moving forward with them, that's great. But there's a lot of, they're called placement companies that are just.
Everybody's doing placement. So many people are doing placement now. And just to educate your listeners on that, just pick the business model that feels comfortable for you. But a placement model is where they refer you to where they get the highest commission, right? So we call it the senior auction. There's no planning, there's no family meeting, there's no grab and go, there's no care advocacy, there's no any of that. It's a transaction to get you into whatever facility.
And when I interview these placement agencies, I'll say, well, how can you refer a family to these different facilities that have been cited for abuse and neglect? And they're like, what do you mean cited? What do you mean cited? I mean, so that's what I mean is there's people, a lot of them could be realtors or coming from other industries that are like, hey, we're not making money doing what our core business is. So how can we make money off of other people? And so a lot of them are, a lot of people...
not just realtors, I don't want to bash realtors, but a lot of people are like, hey, how can I make more money off of people? And so you just have to be really careful because there's a lot of unethical business models out there and a lot of people who may intend try to be doing the right thing, but they're not experienced. They don't have any of this like personal experience and also professional experience that they bring to the table. So you just have to be really careful and for sure find out how they get paid because that could be definitely a
Annalee Kruger (01:34:06.794)
deal breaker.
Thank you for giving that little TSA because I had no clue either.
Yeah, yeah, I am like all over LinkedIn about this. Yeah, yeah, because I can't because then when family hear me on a podcast or whatever they read my book, they're like, hey, I used a different company because I thought that they you know that they knew what they were doing and they put mom in a facility and she's getting terrible care and.
And, know, she was private pay when she moved in, but, know, nine months later, now she's having to go on Medicaid and the facility is telling us we have to find a new place for her to go because they don't contract with Medicaid. We didn't know about any of this type of stuff. So I can't always, I can't undo what an incompetent person did. Right. So if you want to do things right and do it right from the start, you probably want to work together now versus I can't clean up someone's mess. I can only do what I can.
to fix it, but it's not good. So be careful at home.
Tansy Rodgers (01:35:07.34)
Well, before we get into talking about how people can find you specifically and how people can get into your world, and you've already mentioned the link for the book, but we'll repeat that again here in a moment. Let's do a little bit of rapid fire questions, just getting to know you a little bit more in the work that you do, but also just in your personality and experiences that you've had, all right? Just three, three rapid fires. Are you ready? All right, so first question, what is your go-to
car snack between appointments.
Licorice, red licorice.
Why write it the licorice?
because it tastes good and I hate black licorice. But I'm virtual so I don't go anywhere. stay right here, right here in my office. But yeah, I would say my go-to snack would be red licorice because I'm like a four-year-old.
Tansy Rodgers (01:36:02.996)
it. love it. All right, number two. What's one boundary you set this year that changed everything for you?
Not working seven days a week.
You are working seven days. Wow. That makes sense.
We do crisis. Yeah. Global. when families call on a Saturday and be like, hey, we just heard about you or we, know, all of my clients are word of mouth referral. I don't, I don't advertise. So they'll be like calling on a Saturday and be like, Hey, I just found out about you through, you know, Matilda, you helped her parents and her with an aging plan. Well now we're in a similar boat. So, you know, strokes and falls and crises and wandering away doesn't happen just Monday through Friday, nine to five.
But one of the things I did, two things that I did this year is no more working seven days a week. Cause if I don't have my oxygen mask on, I'm not properly serving anyone. And then the other thing I did, I actually did this during COVID is cause not everybody wants the white glove approach, know, direct consulting. So I also have, if you're more of a do it yourself-er and you want to put your own aging plan in place, I have an eight week do it yourself class.
Annalee Kruger (01:37:13.58)
where then they have weekly office hours with me once a week where they get stuck on their family meetings or how are the two of these care facilities or whatever. So I put that in as a lower tier for families that might not have the budget or see the value yet in putting an actual plan in place, but they want to do it more themselves, then that's been a good game changer because then on the consult calls, I can be like, well, are you more of a do it yourself or do you...
see the value of a white glove approach. It's just that so many families are in crisis mode. They don't have time for an eight week class with 20 or 30 hours a week of homework to do it yourself where in a few calls together, I can build out your crisis plan and get things start to get things implemented. So those are two things that have definitely, you know, setting boundaries, not working seven days a week, taking three days off a few months ago and recharging has been a total game changer. then
adding in more lower tiered services for families so that there's literally something for every budget.
I love that it goes right back to that self-care that you are embodying right now. Beautiful.
Yes, I am all about that.
Tansy Rodgers (01:38:27.628)
And finally, question number three, what is the best $20 that you've spent on making caregiving easier?
the, that I have spent to make caregiving easier.
That's a good question.
Oh, I would say the recording. So with a camera, know, because I always recommend families put cameras in the house for a lot of different reasons, but also if their loved one lives in the care facility and they authorize a camera to pay the, it's usually 15 to $20 a month subscription to have the ongoing recording so that if your loved one falls.
you can say, well, according to the camera, they were there for six hours, what happened here? So that can give you a ton of peace of mind that everything is being recorded. Now, not every family feels comfortable with that because you're like, I don't want my mom feeling like she's under surveillance. However, that has saved the lives of many, many, many, many, many parents. I love that. My mother included. Yeah.
Annalee Kruger (01:39:47.886)
especially during COVID when they were locked in their rooms or shut away in their rooms.
I love that. Awesome. Beautiful.
that fits into like what you had in mind, but I was like, that's the first thing I've, that's kind of the first thing I thought of for self care. Cause then I could sleep better at night knowing that if mom makes any noise, I'll wake up cause I'm a, I've become a very light sleeper because of that. And then I could be like right, you know, over the phone, call them and say, Hey, get, get down to room one 12 or what, you know, whatever her room was. But that, that paid subscription for
Ongoing video smart smart purchase
Yeah, I think that is a perfect answer. I love it. Annali, where can people find you? Repeat again where people can find your book and what are you excited about in your work right now?
Annalee Kruger (01:40:32.365)
WH-
Annalee Kruger (01:40:41.004)
What am I excited in my work? So I'll go through all the, where you can find us. What I'm most excited about, which is my mission, which I started Care Right in the first place, like I truly believe no matter what people have for a budget, leave no family caregiver or their aging loved one slash vulnerable adult behind, that every single family, no matter how much money they have, deserves to have the best aging, senior care, quality of life and caregiving and dementia journey possible.
That's why I have a $20 book, all the way up to white glove approach. So that's my mission. That's why I do all these different podcasts. That's why I do what I do is because I want families. There's no reason for relationships and health to deteriorate as a caregiver if you have an aging plan in place and enough supports in place, which is what we do with an aging plan. Where you can reach us, you can...
A variety of ways you can reach out to me and my team on the CareWrite Inc website, and that's probably going to be in your show notes, but CareWrite Inc website. There's actually on the homepage, there's a free webinar that's like 45 minutes that just talks about the caregiver snowball. What does caregiver burnout look like? What are some, you know, kind of a condensed version of this podcast.
So you can access that. You can also schedule a free 30 minute consult. The decision maker needs to be on that call. You can also reach out to me on LinkedIn, Anna Lee Kruger on LinkedIn. And if you want to buy the book, you can actually get that on Amazon.
is called the invisible patient, the emotional, financial and physical toll on family caregivers that's on audible as well, because I know family caregivers, we don't have time to read. I would love to sit up on a couch and just flip through a book, but no, I have to listen to everything at 2.25 speed. So I just don't have time, right? So that's typical of a family caregiver. simply don't have time, luxury of time like that to just kick back and chill sometimes. But if you want to...
Annalee Kruger (01:42:46.734)
The downside of Amazon purchasing the book on Amazon, not audible, that's fine, but on Amazon, Amazon doesn't give us like the contact information of who purchased the book. So there's no way for me to follow up with you and say, okay, John, thanks for buying the book. Do you have any questions? So you can also purchase the book on the book's website, which is invisiblepatientbook.com.
And if you want to order multiple copies, a lot of financial advisors and estate attorneys will order like 400 or 500 books because those are good conversation starters for them to do with their clients. If you have bulk orders, there's a whole sheet down there on the bottom of the home page of that that you can look at to see if you want to buy in bulk.
Beautiful. As always, those links will be down in the show notes. Annalise said they will be there. So make sure you jump on down there, click on those links, get into her world, grab your book. I am just so grateful that you put this out into the world. So have any last words that you would like to lay on the hearts of the listeners before we sign off for today?
Thank you.
Annalee Kruger (01:44:02.048)
I do actually. It's never too late. Cause sometimes families will, that's the first thing out of their mouth when they're calling for a consult. I'm sure it's too late because you know, I'm already burned out or dad already had a stroke or mom's, know, mom just passed away. It's honestly, it's never too late to at least explore what are some care options, how much
care is gonna be needed, how to navigate that. It's never too late. And like I said, we join in your journey wherever you live. That's why I went virtual way back in 2011, but also wherever you are in your care decisions. So maybe you're just like starting to see the writing on the wall that your parents not doing well or your loved ones not doing well and you're like, hey, I can see where this is going. I wanna get ahead of this.
Reach out and schedule the consult or maybe you're already totally in the thick of things and you're like, my God, I don't even know what day it is because I'm so overwhelmed. I'm just right. it's your life will get very crazy. That's usually where people are when they call us because they're like, we need relief from this. So just know that it's never too late. It doesn't matter how much money you have. Truly, we have services and solutions for literally every single budget. Thank you.
so much for being here and sharing your passion. So much.
Thank you. Thank you for all that you do and all the community awareness and society awareness that you do with all of your podcast guests. It's so critical.
Tansy Rodgers (01:45:36.398)
Okay, take a second and just notice what landed for you in this conversation. Maybe it was the part about the invisible toll caregiving can take, or maybe it was realizing that you've been assuming Medicare would just magically cover everything and you would be fine. Or maybe it was hearing that burnout isn't a personal failure. It's a predictable outcome when you're caregiving without a plan or without support.
What I love about Annali's work is that she doesn't just talk about being there for family in a hallmark movie kind of way. She talks about budgets, safety triggers, the reality of dementia, and how to plan so that you don't wait until it's too late to get quality care. And as she does it in a way that still honors the emotions, the grief, the guilt, and the love that are all tangled up into this, you can just kind of breathe into it.
If you're listening and thinking, I have no idea where to start, you do not have to figure this out on your own. Jump down into the show notes and click all the links to get into Annalise World and to also connect in for a free consult. And if this episode spoke to you, here are two small favors that really help the energy fix reach more people who need it.
First, share this episode with a friend, a sibling or a co-worker who's caring for a parent or aging partner. Just send it with a, hey, thought you might like this and might make you feel a little less alone. And number two, leave a quick rating or review wherever you listen to this episode. It doesn't have to be long, just a line about what this show has given you and how it supported you. Thank you for being here.
Especially if you're listening while holding a lot for other people, your energy matters just as much as theirs. And until next time, keep spreading that beautiful energy you were born to share.
